Lets Call This a Positive in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

As everyone should know “that cute little redhead” from the play does mean something to me. Even if just a friend that I find sexually attractive. Which some will recognize as a breakthrough for me.

Anyway.... she texted me this evening and asked to go for a drink.

NOW… it is fat tuesday. I got home from work, played with my dog, cooked pancakes, and drank till I was pissed. Welcome to Shrove Tuesday!

Even still, she asked me to go out for a drink.

Granted… her issues with her mum, her sister, her husband.... my issues with life, and my soon-to-be-ex-wife… it just didn’t work out as far as timing.

BUT HERE’S THE THING....

Prior to tonight.... every version of CK would have AGONIZED over not “being there for a friend” or worse “emotionally supporting a possible fuck partner”. But that isn’t how I feel. Not exactly. I do admit I feel the failure to “be there for a friend” and that is something that weighs on me. I would far prefer being the type of person that supports a friend in need.

But you don’t understand… I used to be the type of guy that would have a downright panic attack if I couldn’t acquiesce to a friend’s request. The idea of “I’ll be there for you” felt like a promise and to break that promise was a personal failing and shameful experience for me. But tonight?

While I do feel bad that I can’t “be there for Victoria” I also acknowledge that 11:30 at night on a Tuesday isn’t exactly an ideal time to get an invitation to “go for a drink.” AND while I would sincerely love to drive her to the bar, have a good conversation, and come home.... that just isn’t responsible. And here’s an interesting adult thing. My WIFE Martha has spent the night at her new Beau’s place two Fridays in a row.... I wouldn’t exactly be out of line inviting a friend to spend the night, shoot the shit, and find solace....... but I’m better than that.

It is an interesting place to be. Trying to be a good friend. Acknowledging that I would be open to fuck Victoria.... even if a Romantic Relationship wouldn’t exist, nor should it… but still trying to be true to who I am and what I’ve been through. Certainly a strange place to be!