The State of Things in Thirty-Five

There’s a few things I’m going to discuss. A lot of shit needs to happen in the next couple months, and I think we have made up our mind as to what we’re going to do.

This coming week we plan on going through our shed, our whole house, everything, and having a HUGE sale next weekend. We are planning on selling mostly everything that we are never going to use or haven’t used in years.

February, with the money we make off the yard sale, we are going to go to Vegas and have a small Honeymoon. Not the real thing, because my dad will be going with us, and our honeymoon trip will most likely be to the Central Coast of Cali where Randy grew up. But that will be dependent on a lot of other things.

End of Feb/Early March we will be doing a short sale on the house. Hopefully get close to $125k for it. We owe something like $91k so if we do that we’ll be able to have around $30k for ourselves to live off of until things somehow work out.

We will definitely be going to NM with my dad for a little bit. Save some money, and hopefully buy a small travel trailer or C Class and just GTFO. Travel. As long as we have gas money, food money and supplies, emergency money, we will be good. There’s so much going on right now that we both just need to go away for a while.

I think it would be good for us to just get away from EVERYONE for a while.

I have about $17 to my name at the moment, which is what I usually end up with by the end of the month. Ideally we need to make about $500 on this yard sale. Hopefully more. Every year when I get my statement from Social Security, it just makes me realize what a pathetic existence I live. I made less than $10k last year. I posted the picture of the statement and said “for those of you that seem to think I ‘have it made’ because I’m on SSDI, this is what I made last year”. One of my friends was like “that’s like 2 months worth of bills”. Exactly. how am I supposed to survive by myself, much less with another person to support.

We both need new shoes. Mine are cheap walmart brand. I have had them for 3 years now. I have a stress fracture in my left foot, around where the toes meet the actual foot. My right ankle is still stupidly swollen, causing a neuroma in between my big and 2nd toe. I keep getting like restless feet at night. Its just very uncomfortable.

Everything else just hurts because it’s been so much colder than we are used to. I see the neuro tomorrow (hopefully, i actually got an appointment reminder text) so we’ll see how that goes.

I had a major just meltdown yesterday, and a lot of it has to do with my pain and my current mental health status. I need to see a therapist or something soon.

we were supposed to go to Adam’s for dinner, but I seriously just lost all energy and my mood flipped. I had put on makeup and everything and I tried to put hot rollers in my hair, but my hair is so fine now, that the rollers don’t even stay in my hair. How fucking ridiculous is that?

So yeah, I got upset. I told Randy I don’t know why I try anything with my hair. It NEVER works. I’ve tried curling with a curling iron, with a flat iron, with foam rollers, with hot rollers, with those little spiky rollers. I’ve tried this, i’ve tried that, I’ve tried product, I’ve tried so many fucking different things and IT DOES NOT WORK. My hair is SO fucked up that it just will not hold a curl. I considered getting a perm, but my luck is that it won’t stick and I’ll have wasted all that money.

I just was angry at life. We’re still trying to get pregnant, but that isn’t working either. I think that’s for the better though. Why should I have kids when I can’t even take care of myself. Maybe one day, in like 25 years we can adopt, because naturally isn’t going to happen. Plus, I don’t think I would be able to handle another miscarriage.

I’ve been waking up every morning between 8:22 and 8:26. Every morning. For like 3 weeks now. Doesn’t matter if I fall asleep at 10:30 or 4:30. I pop awake, check my phone and it’s around that time.

Then I end up getting up because Randy is usually snoring in my face. UUGGGHHH He will not bring it up at his dr appointments either. that and his sperm count possibly. I’m not going to be the one to do that for him because that is HIS thing that he needs to take care of.

Anywhooo I think that is it. Have a good one friends.