Confessions in Journal 2020

I’m writing this because I feel like it’s time. This diary I want my daughter to read when I’m old enough to have one and maybe she’ll understand why her mother is understandable.

I had a thirty five year old online friend, he was interested in my sexually but he never did anything. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…when I meet certain men I just freeze up and let anything happen.

He talked about how’d be okay with having my children. If I wanted. And before I knew his age or after…I honestly don’t know. The past few days, past month everything’s been a blur. My emotions have been a blur. My mind has been a blur of voices, hallucinations, suicidal thoughts, pain and fear.

He didn’t treat me badly, he was very kind. He’d always let me “sit” in his lap and give me advice. He did “kiss” me a time but never did it again and cuddled me.

I hate myself

Last updated October 25, 2020