Frustration in Current Events

I feel sad today. I don’t have any context for it. I feel like I should overthink it so I can innerstand but I really don’t want to.

We celebrated my mother’s 52nd birthday this weekend. Miranda made the drive into town for it. It was nice to see her. She’s doing so well. I have been trying to deprogram my limited beliefs towards her boyfriend and all addicts tbh. I have to humanize them in my mind instead of demonizing them. I’ve been burned too many times so it’s a struggle. He did not join us because our family likes to drink. I was hoping to see him. I did have a glass of wine and maybe that is why I feel sad today? This happens every single time now, officially. Anyways, Miranda shared a poem her boyfriend Justin wrote that… shook me? He’s a person and not a monster and his poem made that sink in for me. I can’t remember all of it but I will try my best to write it out. It is called Why I use.

I use to make friends
I make enemies

I use to feel smart
I make dumb choices

I use to fall asleep
I wake up tired

I use to feel love
I feel hate

I use to feel like I’m in heaven
My life becomes a living hell

There was a lot more to it and he wrote it better but I really liked it. He’s on a self-help journey like I am. I don’t think we’ll ever bond over it but I am so proud of him. We’ll have a lot to talk about next time I see him for sure though.

There was no drama at our shindig. There usually isn’t in our family. However, I was getting frustrated with everybody over the dumbest thing. I wanted to start drama. They were all talking about nutrition and I hate biting my tongue. Nobody wants to hear what I have to say… ever. Regarding nutrition I mean. I’m mad that a doctor told my sister to start giving my nephew regular milk. The World Health Organization does not recommend that we expose infants to that material until they are one year old. Especially those who are genetically susceptible to type 2 diabetes. It creates antibodies that can turn into diabetes later in life. My ethnic group is very vulnerable to dairy. I quit dairy to protect myself from diabetes, prostate cancer, heart disease and various respiratory diseases. All of which run in my family. Diary stimulates mucus growth as one of its jobs is to help grow a baby’s immune system. My mother, grandmother, both sisters and my brother all have respiratory problems. I tried to explain how dairy makes it worse but they all say the same thing. I love cheese. Yes, salt, fat and sugar are awesome. When you take a gallon of milk and compress it into a block of cheese you get morphine levels of dopamine when you consume it. I loved cheese just as much as the next guy. Dairy is not even a food group in my country anymore. This pediatrician needs to get with the program. My nephew is on formula and there is milk protein in it I assume and he happens to be a little overweight for his age. He is 10 months old. Cows milk is designed to grow heifers so I don’t understand the thinking of giving it to a human infant? It’s removed as a food group in my country because there is only one ethnic group that continues to make proteins for dairy post infancy so keeping it on a food guide in a multicultural nation did not make sense. Assuming you want to respect science and a multicultural population. We can’t recommend a material that makes most of the population sick. Anything from a stuffy nose in the morning to ovarian and prostate cancer. The link between ovarian cancer and dairy is just as strong as the link between tobacco and lung cancer. Last year 12 000 doctors tried to get a warning label put on cheese in the U.S. Dairy was a huge debate during the USDA review on the US Dietary Guideline last year because my country removed it as a food group and that made waves across the globe. We’ll see what they decide when they release it this year. Unless they already did? Industry was involved in their process and there was not one visible minority on that USDA committee so I imagine dairy will stay on as a food group. It’s safe in moderation they will say on daytime TV shows as they cut to commercial break and we see who pays their bills.

I’ll stop ranting. They’re free to make their choices. I’m just frustrated that they won’t listen to me. Something shocking did happen though at this shindig. My uncle showed up with a haircut. You don’t understand, he’s had long hair for decades and now he’s got a buzz cut. It looks great! Don’t get me wrong… It’s just that I saw that he is balding in all of the spots that my scalp throbs. Ugh. Can I beat genetics? Methylating Epigenetics was supposed to be next big trend but it didn’t stick. I think plant-based will continue to trump intermittent fasting and Keto. I like the idea of accessing my ketones but a keto diet would be too much work so I want to do the intermittent fasting. I don’t know which route I would take. The one meal a day or the three day fasts every now and again? Blah, I don’t know if it is my meds or my depression or what but I lost another ten pounds. I hate stepping on the scale because I always seem to get some of my self-worth from that number. Everybody was talking about weight and I was just curious. My ass shrunk so I figured that I lost some digits… so that is a grand total of twenty pounds that I did not want to lose lol. Why did I build my self-esteem around looks? That was such a big mistake. I feel great though! My mood not so much right now but my body feels great. Mind you, I just got over a cold so I’m just happy to not be suffering again lol.

I’ll go for a walk and think about my mood after all.