Sometimes you just gotta keep on truckin'. in --

Here is a picture of the bangs, I guess. I hate doing this publicly, but I don't know how to change settings.

Things haven't been the best lately. Today was a rough day. I was in a bad mood (I don't know what it is with me and pregnancy), and it made Jacob in a bad mood. I'm always miserable lately. I wanted to be able to go out and whatnot and be an adult, and I was sad that I couldn't. I've never gone out on St. Patrick's day, and I'm 24. I guess there are worse things to be upset about, right?

I've been miserable lately, and I can't pinpoint why. I'm also always bored. Nothing sounds fun except going out, which I can't do because of lack of friends and pregnant. This isn't really "me" so I don't know if I should get checked out for depression or not. The only times I wanted to do those things was when I was super depressed in my early 20s. (whoa I'm in my mid-20s now... so weird).

Jacob and I have been fighting a lot. Today he said that we aren't working, and that we need to fix it. He's right, but I have no idea how to fix myself. I'm just never happy. I'm afraid to get help. I'm afraid to take pills while I'm pregnant and breastfeeding. But I don't want to do this to us and our family.

I'm always mad because banana peels are left on the table, or messes left for me to clean up. It infuriates me, but it really shouldn't.

I am always bored. Cleaning and childcare isn't intellectually gratifying, you know? But I'm too tired for everything else too.

We haven't had sex in... I don't know, a month? I don't remember.

Sex doesn't sound worth it anyway. It's so much work for.. I don't know. It just feels like I got punched in the vagina afterwards (thanks, pregnancy).

Lorelei is a very active kid and that makes me happy. So does kisses and hugs from my son. He's darling. I am looking for daycare for him but I also dread putting him in daycare. I miss him when I'm not with him. He smells good and I love to snuggle him. His weight against me feels sweet and precious. I don't know if it's healthy for me to still be this in love with my son after 18 months! I just love my kids, even if parenting is really, really hard sometimes.