Currents in Spin The Black Circle

Current Accomplishment: I released an album about three weeks ago. I played/wrote/recorded all of the vocals, drums, bass, and guitars over a period of three-four months. It’s quite the project for one person to take on, but I did it, I’m happy with it, and its doing well out there in the world. You can hear it here, if you want, but its pretty metal. http://reamesdtx.bandcamp.com

Current Annoyance: The music scene is either one of two things: a popularity contest, or pay-to-play. I am a.) not popular and b.) poor. So RIP, music career.

Current Bane of My Existence: My new job is… not going well. It gives me literal chest-crushing anxiety sitting here. I’m always in a state of constant anticipation of my next fuck up, or something I’m not doing correctly, or just failing in general. I’m usually pretty great at things I try, and I’m not very good at this, and it has me feeling weak, useless, hopeless, and generally down. My boss now has me in a position where she wants to see certain reports prior to me sending them out, so I save them in a draft, per her request, then she forgets to go back and do it, and it puts my whole day behind by…four hours? or so. They also want me to start doing the 24-hour On Call phone. Bold move to give the fuck up that phone.

Current Blessing: I like the little life we’ve built together in the Midwest. It’s peaceful and stable. I haven’t felt safe, or home, in many, many years.

Current Book(s): Amazon is currently bringing me the new Stephen King today. I’ve been holding off on starting a new book until I received this one. Recently I’ve read Revelator by Darly Gregory. It’s a gothic, rural, horror novel about Appalachia (specifically Cades Cove, NC) during the time of moonshiners and Southern Baptists. There’s a God that lives in the mountain, and the local townsfolk started worshipping him (and incorporated him into their own Christianity), but the God is not necessarily a God, or a good thing. I didn’t finish it, but got most of the way through it, and then just kind of…dropped it? I haven’t really thought about it or been inspired to pick it back up.

Current Clothing Thoughts: I’m wearing a t-shirt with my job on it. I hate this place.

Current Color(s): Red shirt, blue-jean shorts, and vans.

Current Crush: Kasey Forever

Current Drink: Diet Coke. Always Diet Coke.

Current Excitement(s): Furnace Fest is coming up in Birmingham. I’m not sure if we’ll get to go or not. Kasey has to have another neck surgery, and we’re in limbo on when that will be. So I guess my current excitement is finding out if I can be excited or not. I’m excited for this weekend solely because I won’t be here at work any longer.

Current Feeling: The crushing weight of dread sitting in this desk gives me.

Current Fetish: I don’t even know. It’s not been something I’ve been able to think about for almost a month.

Current Films: I watched Glorious on Shudder. It’s a wild story about a dude who gets locked in rest-stop bathroom stall with God. It’s…wild. I’d taken a few gummy edibles, so it was kind of perfect for that. Prey on Hulu was pretty good.

Current Food: I ate wings and pizza from Papa Johns last night. Kasey wanted Taco Bell, and I do not like Taco Bell, so I went to grab that for her, then opted for the Fried Chimkens place across the street. They were closed for Labor Day. I was just going to chock it up to my luck, but Kasey was pretty insistent I order something. I put in an order for Domino’s. They called me back immediately saying there was a four hour delivery wait and cancelled my order. I wound up at Papa Johns.

Current Goal: I guess just get through shit. I don’t know. Usually I have some sort of Goal-oriented task, but the last few weeks I’ve been really down on myself for this stupid job, so I get home, do what I can for Kasey, try and spend a bit of time with the kiddos, do the whole bedtime nightmare (its getting better), and then eat, sleep, rinse, wash, and repeat.

Current Guilty Pleasure: Delta-8 gummies.

Current Image: Hard pass.

Current Indulgence: My boss is out sick today and I am indulging in the unexpected happiness that has brought me.

Currently Listening To: Discovered the Callous Daoboys recently, Woods of Ypres, and had a pleasant drive back from Indianapolis listening to a career expansive Radiohead playlist.

Current Love: Kasey.

Current Mindfuck: All of these James Webb space pictures make me feel pretty small.

Current Mood: depressingly pensive

Current Music: silence.

Current Music Video: n/a

Current Reason(s) to Laugh: I haven’t had one today.

Current Reason(s) to Smile: I haven’t had one of those today either.

Current Self-Care: I brushed me teeth.

Current Self-Image Thoughts: I’m eating way too much, but I also just don’t care right now and want the comfort the food brings.

Current Slang or Saying: Fuck this.

Current Song Lyrics:

I’ve weighed down the earth from the stars through the pavement

Current Triumph: I shot a wedding with Kasey and took 2,000 photos. If even one of them makes it into the final package, I’ll call that a victory. I’m not very good, and she is, well, a professional.

Current TV Show(s): The Rings of Power is awesome.

Current Wish List: To get back on remotely with Major Airlines.

Current Worry: Kasey’s next surgery and me blowing a fucking gasket and walking out of this shit job before her surgery, leaving us poor, destitute, and unable to provide for her and the kiddos.

Last updated September 06, 2022