Pure weekend exhaustion in Bittersweet

My husband keeps complaining his lower blood pressure is making him tired. And when i try to tell him I understand. He just snaps at me, i dont get what it feels like. No i dont. I have days where i cant lift my legs. I have days when i fall asleep while driving down the road. There are days when i get under one thousand steps on my fitbit because its too hard just to get up even to walk to the bathroom. Where i dont leave the house. Where sitting on the couch takes my energy up and i just pass out. No i dont get what that tired is like…

This weekend has been busy. Friday, Saturday were such busy days. Today was a bit more laid back. But still hectic. We had home depo. lowes. walmart. house cleaning. started to build a rabbit hutch but my husband is being weird about it ( taking like 10-15 minutes looking at each part like he dosent know what he is doing. In Ak we did similar in under 3 hours for Two. Today he got the wire mounted to a bottom of a cage… Thats it! Dinner, I made bbq chicken, burgers and chili dogs. Mostly leftovers haha. Its all good.

I got a shower and now its just too much. Im thinking of carding some wool. But im tired. Or spinning, even though my wheel is electric it takes so much energy. Right now its just like my body is so hectic. Im tired and feeling like crap.
Its hard, its like if i do something for 2 or 3 days, I feel so tired afterwords for days. And its hard because ive been damn near binge eating the last couple days and that sucks too because its just going to make me feel yucky and fat for days again. I keep having lapses. Ill loose 5 lbs and my body says fuck you and im constantly hungry. But when i eat something, i feel so overfull and sick. Then im hungry and craving, so i eat then im sick. Im constantly thirsty but whenever i start drinking something i feel sick. I probably have something else going on deeper inside. Today was a waste and ill probably be up 10 lbs. I got those stupid muffins from costco. They are made with cake mix. each muffin is over 700 calories not to mention the carbs haha. I ate 1.5 muffins.... in half muffin amounts over the day. Just thinking about it, my sick to my stomach feeling went away and im craving another one.... I swear there is something wrong with me. And so i drink water to try to help and feel sick to my stomach. Like im flooded and sloshing. But my mouth is SO thirsty.

Then there is my fucking feet. God i wish i knew what was wrong with my feet. Its so hard to work sometimes, most every day. Its constantly in pain. But that feeling when you step on a lego and get that bruised feeling. Thats how my feet feel constantly. With pain shooting up through my calves to my knees. Its constant. Weather its the altitude or the humidity. I was this weight in Alaska so that hasnt changed. I dont know .I just know that walking hurts SO fucking bad. Just to get to the bathroom. Its killing me. I wish i could see a doctor or physical therapist again. Just to check out. Last time they found all these problems with my tendons. I finished my round of PT and now its worse again. Im still doing all the stretches. I take a break every other day because it hurts so much. Sigh.
I dont expect a fix. But i wish there was one.

I better get going. Im starting to wake up some. Its 9 pm lol. Maybe i can get something done…