THE LAST THURSDAY OF january 2020 in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Y’all have been prolific today… which I find interesting. I’ve never really “charted” the active times for people on Prosebox but it is interesting that a day where I really have stuff to do all day and check bookmarks and POW. lol.

I received multiple notes on an entry about the same topic so instead of responding to each message… I figured I’d put it in an entry.

As many of you are aware… I bitch a lot about the Traffic Ticket phone calls I get. And I get a lot of them. And most of them are absurdly stupid. Like… “Yeah, I got ticketed driving 98 miles per hour in a 55 miles per hour zone. What can you do for me?” le sigh. BUT a lot of you asked great questions like “How is that a thing? That they can just call you like that.”

GOOD QUESTION! Especially if most of your interaction with law is via TV, it seems like a Prosecutor isn’t sitting at his desk taking calls from Joe Schmoe and Holly Whoever. Honestly, I don’t know if this is because I haven’t worked in a large city environment… in Des Moines things may be different. Or it could be because I haven’t worked in a large population state… in Texas things may be different. But I know that working “Rural Counties in Iowa” of no more population size than 17,000… there are some positives and negatives. Positive? The office isn’t constantly swamped with massive, mind-abusing cases that need to be resolved immediately because the next huge case is right behind it! Negative? That means that the revenue for us isn’t that great. We work with smaller budgets than busier counties do.
Positive? MOST of the attorneys I work with aren’t assholes, dickheads, and over-ambitious cunts. Like… I tend to explain my prosecutorial decisions… in a response e-mail asking “What’s the plea offer?” Some (many) attorneys will just say, “Plead as charged, 3 years, all suspended, supervised probation and IDAP.” And that is the whole e-mail. I’m not like that. Because I want to sell the plea deal and I want to help the attorney sell the plea deal. So I’ll say something more like… “The victim is uncooperative but the photographic evidence is pretty damning. The guy doesn’t have a violent record but there are a few public intoxication convictions that make me worried this event may have been heavily alcohol related. If he pleads as charged, we’ll recommend the full jail term BUT ask that it all be suspended. If he can stay law abiding and complete IDAP, that will take care of our concerns about him and the victim.” I can write stuff like that and I get understanding and supportive Attorneys instead of “stop writing so much and wasting my time” responses. Negative? I’m a lot easier to reach by anyone and everyone. Quite literally. Me AND my boss… the elected official.

Anyone comes to the building? They’ll get buzzed up and someone will call to say that someone is on their way to see us. Someone calls the Court and bitches about receiving a ticket? The court gives them my work number and tells them to talk to me. It is all… very… relaxed and “1 horse town”-y. Like the days where you could walk into the Sheriff’s Office and the Sheriff himself would greet you and ask what the trouble was. That’s where I am.

One thing that all Defense Lawyers do, that I only do on rare occasions, is Social Media stalk the Defense Clients. I typically only do it for Domestic Violence cases. And I’ll tell you why. What a person shares on their Social Media can tell you a lot about who they are, what their priorities are, and how they might react to the idea that that abuser is in custody. And today? There’s a guy whose criminal record is “drugs, drugs, drugs, assault, assault, assault, drugs, OWI, burglary, assault, assault, assault.” So… substance abuse and violence are his raison d’etre. He is now in my jurisdiction. Started beating up his girl while she was holding their baby. I do a facebook check. The woman is pretty attractive. Like… the kind of attractive that if I saw on a dating app, I’d maybe not even swipe right because I’d be worried that she’d laugh at a guy like me even trying to get her attention. Now… super attractive victims have always bothered me… because my own pigheadedness and prejudice make me think “WHY STAY?! Get thee the hell out; you could find ANY man to take you in and they’d probably treat you better and have less issues!” BUT now that I’m “single, single-ish, or on the way to being single” I realize… it bothers me so much more now. Because I’M that guy. I’M the guy that would take her in, treat her better, and have less issues. I’M the guy that isn’t getting positive responses from the dating world while this Substance Abusing Violent Mess is with a super attractive woman that “lets” him beat her.

And this is why I genuinely have said (and meant) be gentle with me, but don’t let me become an INCEL. Because I have a perspective that even those guys don’t get. I’m not some college kid angry that the Frat Boys get all the girls while “a nice guy like me” can’t get a date. I’m not that guy. I’m the guy that literally sees all the guys that are actually actively hurting their significant others, who then race back to them for one reason or another, while a genuinely nice and caring guy like me struggles in the Social World. So potentially… I could be worse than an INCEL. Instead of bitching about Chads getting Beckys (or whatever the lingo is)… I’ll be the guy with actual genuine EVIDENCE that I present in a court of law proving that Brad is a dickheaded monster… and Sheron loves him… and he returns that love by beating her. And then I go home and can’t even get a worthwhile “Hey there.”

You know what has REALLY been bugging me lately? Like… the last few weeks?!

I can’t seem to get my ass up in the morning. No matter what I do the night before. Eat more, eat less, drink alcohol, don’t drink alcohol, drink more water, drink less water, watch tv, play video game, read book, exercise… nothing. Nada. I can’t seem to get my ass up in the morning. There are a few rare exceptions. REALLY RARE. But typically? Nothing. And that sucks. Because the only time for me to work out really IS the morning. And I want to. I want to at least start doing things that will warm up my body. Because seriously… my body is so stiff and sore and ouchy due to the bloody cold. AND IT ISN’T EVEN THAT BAD OUT! I’ve experienced WAY WORSE winters then this. I just… yeah. I need to figure out what the hell is going on. Because this panicked waking up with no time to shower throwing on a suit and tie before filling Nala’s food and water as I run out to my car and drive to work.... yeah, that isn’t working for me.

So, in sharing these images of nice quotes I came upon one that… works… and doesn’t work. It says:
Recently told a friend how it confuses me when people think more highly of me than I do myself. She said, “They see you for who you really are instead of what you’ve lied to yourself about.” It’s stuck with me ever since. Fellow Imposter Syndrome sufferers, keep that in mind.

Now… that’s really good. The idea that there are people in this world who think highly of you despite how you feel about yourself isn’t that they are WRONG or that you’ve TRICKED THEM. They just might see things that you TRICK YOURSELF out of realizing. That’s good. But I still take issue with the sentiment on two levels.

First: Isn’t this kind of saying, “Other people see you better than you see yourself; therefore how other people see you is who you really are.”? So… the guy that sees me walking down the street and calls me an asshole… I’m supposed to believe him? Or is this just selectively choosing to believe only the good things? Because that’s… kind of a mental disorder as well. Being able to reflect on the ways that we’re upsetting people, failing people, and/or being inappropriate are how we grow as people and as a society. So… are people’s opinions supposed to be believed when they supersede your negative viewpoints but disbelieved when they supersede your positive viewpoints?

Second: You highly underestimate the strength of my ability to trick others. That isn’t even a “Imposter Syndrome makes me feel like I’m tricking others, so that’s what I believe” issue. My job is to persuade people. I am supposed to be the person that could persuade you it was raining chocolate raisins outside when it is a clear and sunny day. That is who I am supposed to be. And people say that I am good at my job. So… the fact that I feel like I suck and feel like an imposter...... do I feel like an imposter because I’m so good at tricking people that they don’t know I’m an imposter… or am I wrong to feel like an imposter because I’m so good at tricking people and that is what I’m supposed to do? This is why palliative bumper sticker sayings don’t usually do shit for me. lol.

Moving on to TV. lol

The Good Place is ending it’s run tonight. I think it should be obvious to anyone who knows me that I loved that show. Not necessarily because I talk about it all the time, I don’t. But because it is a show about almost all of my favorite topics. Philosophy, Religion, Death, Time Travel, Existence, Magic/Miracles, Fantasy, Deception, Judgment, Law, Problem Solving, Love, Sex, Snobbery.... there has super literally never been an episode that didn’t resonate with me on some level. So… yeah. Sad it is leaving but… good run, good luck, and god speed.

With The Good Place leaving, however, it provides the opportunity for Brooklyn 99 to return. I’ll admit. I didn’t watch that show when it was on Fox. I don’t watch sitcoms much because I find them repetitive and predictable. If I wanted to watch something I could have written, I’ll just write it instead. But then people started talking to me about Nine Nine and it switched to NBC and I started watching it. It isn’t just some “goofball comedy sitcom about cops.” It is a really cool approach to bringing diversity of actors and characters to television. NONE of the primary ensemble is a “bad person” or even “annoying for comedy.” All of them are fleshed out people with lives that include highs, lows, disappointments, and victories. Even Hitchcock and Scully. Not to mention it has and 2 Latinx, 2 black actors in the 8 person ensemble. SO half the actors are NOT “white dudes”. And actually, that should be 7 person ensemble because one of the white actors (who was female!) left. So now you technically have a mostly non-white cast. AND two characters on the show are non-heterosexual. One bi-sexual woman; one homosexual man. So… a really diverse set up. Not that you should watch the show BECAUSE OF diversity. It is a funny show with well written characters. But the fact that they didn’t simply default to “So, there’s a bunch of white guys” is really refreshing.