Here we go again.. in The day to day

As much as I enjoy being able to get my feelings out through writing on here, I really wish things would calm down enough where I didn’t have an entry for every day.

Last night my husband came home so he could do our taxes and box up a few things for his move this weekend. I took B to Scouts along with A. That way I wouldn’t be home in his face. I don’t know what time he actually came home but I got a text from him at the end of Scouts calling me a bitch. And how dare I talk about his sex life, etc. I was totally confused. I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about and he said well I can screen shot it for you and sent it to me.

It was a private conversation on FB to my best friend. He had told me the first week that he spent in the hotel, him and his new woman almost had sex. But he couldn’t get it up for her. I was telling my best friend this out of anger because I had just found out they were moving in together. And that he had bought her the same gold dipped rose he had bought for me three years ago.

I had changed the PIN to my computer so he couldn’t get on it, but I guess I also needed to change my Microsoft password because he could pretend he forgot the PIN and put in that password to get on my computer. He totally snooped through emails and FB messages. Which I have done on his computer so I can’t get completely angry at him. But I told him what he has always told me. If you don’t want to get upset you shouldn’t go snooping. I told him how dare he get angry at me for one little comment when the reason we are in this mess in the first place is because of all his choices and mistakes he’s done to me. We argue through text for a little bit. He tells me not to contact him unless it’s about the boys etc. He stops responding to me so I called. He didn’t answer of course, but I left a message because I needed to know if he was going to take B to school today. He let me know he would.

Once we got home from Scouts, I saw on the floor in the living room the gold dipped rose he had given me completely shattered. I sent him a picture of it and said Seriously? He sent a text back and said it fell while he was grabbing something else off the shelf. But once it did, he went on and broke it because he really wanted to smash something. He then called me sobbing and telling me he was sorry that he broke the flower. But that he was so angry. I apologized too for crossing the line talking about him like that. He said he didn’t have anyone to talk to about me or his feelings. I told him I figured he was already doing that with his new woman because of how she was posting on his Facebook and meddling in things. Or what about his best friend Jessica (whom we went to counseling over two years ago), wasn’t he talking to her?

We ended the phone call in a semi good term. I then had to put the kids to bed and the whole time I kept thinking about the situation. I had to sit and write him an email before I could even think about putting my head to my pillow. I apologized to him again but told him to look at the context of me saying it. How hurt I was about them moving in together. He also found out that I had been keeping filing for divorce through my messages. And I told him that yes I kept it a secret but only until he told me he was going to go ahead and get a lawyer. I immediately told him I had already started the process. He is concerned I am trying to pull one over on him. I told him since he read every message and email he should see that every time someone tried to tell me to put the screws to him, I told them I just wanted what was fair for both of us. So we could live and move on with our lives. I did tell him that meant that he was to support his kids not his new woman and hers.

This morning he responded to my email through text and told me he still loved me too. Knew he was probably making a mistake but he wanted to be able to go and make that mistake without anyone’s interference. I know because of how upset both of us are getting at making the other upset that we have a lot of love for each other. I just wish things weren’t turning out the way that they are. I wish we were going through this without the other woman’s interference. He had logged onto his Facebook through her phone the other day when his died to try to contact me. He forgot to log out and she went and unfriended him and me. She is a meddling bitch and I cannot stand her. I had told him I was thinking about unfriending him because it was hurtful to see everything she was tagging him in. But that I would have told him before I did it. For now we will not be friends on Facebook until feelings calm down.

For now we are back on good terms. As much as we can be with everyone’s emotions heightened through this process. He will actually come home right after work today to pack up all his things. He gets his key to his apartment tomorrow. I am going to tell him I need the key to our house and the garage clicker too. Before yesterday I would have trusted him, but I sure as hell do not trust her. She doesn’t know our address but I wouldn’t put it past her to try and figure it out. Then come do some kind of damage.

I am ready for my blood pressure not to be raised every other day. I am ready to not be sad every day. I am ready to not be so worried about my kids and their well being going through this process. I am ready for this divorce to be final so we can all move on.