Kinks, PBDSBN, and Other Things in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

This entry may be more appropriate in my “Explicit” Book but I feel that this is more of a “daily journal” issue so I’ll simply say in advance… this entry will contain discussion of sexual concepts, kinks, and use sexual words. If those topics offend, upset, or trigger you… consider this your warning. I doubt I’ll use language any more severe than the word “slut” but I felt it important to give a suitable warning here to prevent unintended embarrassment or offense.

Holy fuckballs. This winter has mostly been fairly mild for Iowa lately. Not exactly a positive as it would confirm a trend for warmer weather throughout the world. But also… that means weather that would have otherwise been expected or manageable at this point is now surprising and problematic. Typically, we would have already had many subzero days through November or December. As that has not been the case, waking up to an Air Temperature of -2 and a “Feel Temperature” of -10… was quite a lot to deal with this morning. Someone, and I won’t particularly name names though it should be considered that I’m speaking of myself, had to muster a considerable amount of willpower to get out of bed and come in to work today. I still wish I could be stretched and manipulated in every muscle and joint on my body.

Before I get to anything more salacious… what does my day look like today?

At 10:00, I have Magistrate Court. That should take anywhere from 1 to 2 hours. Then a lunch break. Then a phone call to Local Attorney. Then a phone call to Distant Attorney. And that’s the day as I know it. Which considering how I’m feeling, might be best.

Uh-oh. Shit got busy at work. Must pause the interesting writing. SORRY!

SO… let’s dive in to the fun and sexy bits that you clicked on the title hoping to read about!

In joining FetLife, I noticed a lot of people taking a bdsmTest thing that essentially asks you a series of questions on what you like, what sounds like fun, what you wouldn’t mind experimenting with, what you want to absolutely stay away from… that kind of thing. I wouldn’t take the results of that exam as scientific gospel, but I did find it interesting. Martha took it as well, just to see some things, because she was curious about it. I am in no way surprised that she scored a 58% Vanilla while I scored an 18% Vanilla. But that isn’t what I’m here to talk about.

Something else that didn’t surprise me, but that I do wish to discuss, is the fact that I rated as a 100% Switch. Now, my kink terminology isn’t Expert Level by any means; but “Switch” is a term I feel familiar enough to speak on. As I understand it, the term “switch” means that I can either be Dominant or Submissive. If my partner feels dominant and desires a submissive partner, I have no problem filling that role. If my partner feels submissive and desires a dominant partner, I have no problem filling that role. Take a few scenarios as examples:
(1) I meet a woman who is super interested in “rope play and blindfolds”… I am equally happy and equally comfortable being either end of that. If she is super into it… by being the person that blindfolds and ties up her man, I’ll be that man. If she is super into it… because she likes being tied up and blindfolded, I’ll be that man.
(2) The woman I’m dating is very into being in control. Loves telling me exactly what to do and expects me to do it immediately in the bedroom. I’m okay with that. But then if the woman I’m dating is very into being controlled; loves when I tell her exactly what to do and loves to do it immediately in the bedroom… I’m okay with that.

But while this information wasn’t surprising… I have started to really consider it. Consider what it means to me, consider what it means about me, and consider what I want it to mean going forward. And what I’ve come to understand… or at least, what I’ve come to accept?

OF COURSE I’m 100% switch! What has, largely, been the overriding theme of my life when it comes to women and relationships? What does she want? What interests her? What makes her happy? No duh I’m 100% a switch because I’ve developed my entire romantic and sexual personality around the idea of my PARTNER’s needs and interests!

Now… I’m not saying this means I’m NOT a switch. There is certainly every ounce of my body that would be willing to play the role that made my lady wet. I’ll never stop being that guy in a lot of ways. BUT I also need to be the guy that knows what HE wants, more than anything. Not simply, “I want her to be excited and happy”… but honestly… what version of life would you create for yourself if you could? AND ABSENT THE FEELINGS, WANTS, DESIRES OF SOMEONE ELSE for the most part. I add that caveat “for the most part” because when discussing relationships and sexual entanglements it must ALWAYS be discussed in a manner that considers and appreciates that a partner (or more) IS involved, an that your partner’s desires/needs/wants should be important to you. BUT… what I’m trying to do is to determine… what kind of “play” or “relationship” do I want.... do I want… and then what that means about how I would attract, react, or interact with whatever my partner(s) want(s).

Obviously, currently my only avenue for these questions is THEORY and reading. Therefore, I can’t KNOW from an experiential position but strictly an academic hypothetical. With that in mind, I have come upon the following:

IF I understand the terminology properly, and I may not, the “kink” that currently seems the most promising is listed as “Princess by Day, Slut by Night”. IF I understand that term properly it goes as follows (in the most simply explanation)”
Man treats her like a Princess by day; Woman acts as his Slut by night.

Now, there is more to it than that. And as with all things in life, I anticipate nuances. For example… Princess by Day obviously means that the man sees to it that the woman is comfortable, cared for, adored, given gifts… all of that. BUT does that preclude the woman from doing anything domestic? Does that preclude the woman from returning emotion or affection? Is this a “sugar daddy and his ho” perspective? I don’t know exactly. I doubt it. Therefore, if I am correct… in a living together situation… a Princess is one that is adored, cared for, propped up, spoiled… but also can help around the house, return love to her partner, and be an equal partner in the relationship itself. In other words… what Martha had with me… but with a few more expectations of things like caring about me, lol. So my marriage in that regard was “Frigid Princess by Day.” Then of course the “Slut by Night” component, which I’ll admit may be a desire simply due to the “rubber band effect” of wanting to experience a significantly more full sexual life. “Slut by Night” (again, IF I understand it) is a flip of power to the Princess by Day… As spoiled and pampered as the princess may be, is as spoiled and rocked as the man is at night by his “slut”. So… a Princess who receives the gold bracelet she wants might later thank her partner with lingerie, a strip show, and a sloppy blowjob.

AGAIN, THIS IS ALL ACADEMIC AND HYPOTHETICAL AND CONCLUSIONS COME TO BY READING AND SELF-RESEARCHING I could be entirely wrong!! But if there is even a hint of the correct answer up there? It makes sense to me. SWITCH is someone who doesn’t covet the power in sexual play for their own pleasure but takes pleasure in being the role that their partner desires. Princess by Day, Slut by Night (on the other hand) re-frames the concept as “The day to day is filled with adoration, the night to night is filled with lustful exhilaration.” Frankly… that makes a lot of sense to me. But again.... I can’t stress enough that I have no idea in this aspect if my definitions are correct or even close.

So… speaking of these kinds of things… I wanted to say something that might not matter in the long run… but why not say it.

The apps I am a part of are as follows:
Bumble, Zoosk, Tinder, OKCupid, and POF.

Of those different apps, I have to say my favorite women are on Bumble. Appearance, Profiles, Locations… that’s my favorite App. Though, I’m not surprised. I expected it to be my favorite App on principle. An App chiefly designed to protect and prefer women in the Dating App world. Of course… much like most Apps, I have the luck of black cat living under a ladder. Though that can be argued, somewhat, as well. You see in Zoosk… I get people swiping right… the people that live in different countries. On Tinder, I have people swiping right… as expressed previously, the people that are trying to hit me up for money. So the fact that I get ZERO hits from Bumble is… probably good… in that respect… but still… kind of sucks to find an app where I am definitely like, “These women. These are the women I want to talk to, hang out with, appeal to.” Aaaand...... nothing. Though… that really is The Story of my College Life. The few chances I’d actually try to shoot my shot, I’d get shot down.

Though, again, I’m not chomping at the bit to throw myself into another relationship or anything. It would just be nice to get some positive attention is all. Like Raven but less “even still never gonna happen”.

OH! I HAVE A QUESTION FOR THOSE WHO USE DATING APPS!

So… you guys were kind enough to tell me that people whose profiles say “I don’t talk on the app, snapchat me!” are likely scammers. Is the same true for people whose profile say “I don’t talk on the app, find me on Insta!” Because… that seems likely. Like… Instagram isn’t a chatting application… it is a “like my photos” application.

But even more so… something I’ve been seeing a lot that feels like a scam but I wanted to get some feedback on:
Profiles who say, “A clue to contact me is on my 4th picture!” and you go to the 4th picture, and it is an e-mail address on their shirt. Usually something like “[email protected]” or something like that. Now… that certainly feels like a scam… but I don’t know.

This is one of those things I’m working through as I investigate Dating Apps. So many suggest “Talk to me on SnapChat” or “Follow me on Instagram” or “Contact me, there’s a clue on my 4th picture” and stuff like that. And while I CERTAINLY don’t want to get scammed… not being matched or talked with or swiped right kind of… makes me want to try? Which seems silly and stupid and obvious because that is the whole reason these scammers chose sites like Tinder and the like. Because after some indeterminate period of not getting matched, you’re more willing to “e-mail that girl that said contact me” and then BOOM they’ve got your e-mail address. So… yeah. My gut says “It’s a scam. All of these are scams. They are scams. And you know they are scams.” BUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUT… I also wanted to get feedback to confirm or deny.

TOTALLY DIFFERENT TOPIC:

I will say this… I desire to be worthy of certain people. People like Li Ziqi… or Yuan Herong… or some of the women in this world that are more than just attractive but are also intelligent and/or accomplished and/or hard working and/or intelligent. And I know, I know. It isn’t “fair” or “proper” to think yourself unworthy and blah blah blah. When I say I desire to be worthy… that just means, that’s my inspiration. I am inspired by these women to be somebody that I would consider worthy of their time and attention. Because in that way, I can… and often am… a judgmental dick. Like a beautiful nurse with her life together but spends all of her free time trying to help her boyfriend… who may be attractive, but the fact that he doesn’t have a job and has an active heroin addiction makes me think “He isn’t worthy of you”. Just something I’m thinking. Something I’m using to think… always aim higher.