Dreams, Regrets, and Worries in Ultimate Randomness

I am going to stop saying there isn't much for me to write today because every time I have, I start rambling and these entries go on and on and on and I am sure y'all get tired of reading after awhile. It's like, "Does he ever stop saying the same thing?" Anyway, there are three things I have on my mind today. The first I should write down quickly because it is a story idea I had in a dream and I don't want to forget it. So in this dream, I was a college student, non-traditional like I am, but I am pretty sure I was living on campus (my guess it is because of the things I had on my mind yesterday which I will explain later). I had a thing for this girl I will call Eve who I had worked with in a class before. There were a couple instances where we bumped into each other, at a restaurant or bar, on campus, and so on. There was some chemistry between the two of us (in my dream, though there might have been some in real life if I wasn't about 10 years older than her. Funny how age seems to mean less the older you get, at least to me. We had a fundamental personality connection I think, but that isn't happening, so let's move on...). Anyway, I found myself in need of a job and when I went to student services to find one, some weird old woman working there suggested a shut down medical facility (hospital with mental ward) that the university was planning on renovating. They needed a live-in handyman/janitor/caretaker to do some initial clean-up work and check for problems with the structure within the rooms. So I signed up for the job. Needless to say, weird stuff ensued: odd sounds, things moving around from time to time. Anyway, at some point, I dreamed that a group of people chased this scared kid into the hospital to hurt him/her, can't remember that part. What I do remember is that, due to the influence of the hospital, I started going all freaky stalking serial killer on the group of people, like Michael Myers without all the blood and if he was being protective of good people and killing bad people. I can't explain how, but I was taking them out by controlling the hospital itself. In any case, I saved the kid but he/she freaked out when he/she saw me and bolted. Anyway, it sounded like a good idea, so I wanted to write it down.
The regrets part of this is going to sound like a really dumb thing, but at the same time, it bugs me because it makes me wonder if there is some fundamental problem with me. Like I said, forewarning, this is really dumb. It has occurred to me many times that in all my years, 32 as of Wednesday, I have never once been randomly flashed by a girl I wasn't involved with. Actually, I am not totally sure about even the ones I was involved with, but even that hasn't happened much. And, on top of that, I have not gotten but one naughty picture in all my time. That one was from my wife, but it was actually when we were just flirty friends when we weren't even sure we were going to meet. It wasn't originally meant for me. She has taken naughty pics of herself, mostly in the last few years, but none of them were meant for me. I know, stupid thing to concern myself with, but it really makes me wonder what makes me so different and undesirable that it never happened. Like everything else, it becomes a self-esteem and self-worth issue for me and I know it is dumb, but stuff like that just makes me wonder what is so wrong with me. This last part will be short. Spring break was supposed to be a week of renewal for me. It was supposed to be the week I got my shit together and made a comeback on school stuff. It hasn't happened at all. If anything, I am worse off now and it is making me think I am going to have to resort to the nuclear option: moving out of my house and taking time off from school to get my life together. I was hoping I could make things work out here, but it is just not working. Thankfully, because of the medication, I have not been suicidal at all, but I feel that emotionally and mentally, I am just getting worse. I don't want to leave because that means all sorts of problems of its own. But I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I have failed everything: my school, my marriage, my life. I need to figure it all out soon, and I am sure everyone I know will have input and I will have some place to go if I do move out, but it still comes down to making a decision I don't want to make. It is a lose-lose option for me no matter what I do. So which is the least lose? No idea...