You and Me in Journal 2020

I don’t want him to die.

He had begun starving himself in my absent. I hate myself, for thinking breaking off our friendship would serve him well. Life was better for him even though he was dying, he had moved in with a girl he was really into. They where officially dating and strong.

He told me truth when I came back. That she cheated on him with four guys. That he was back with his parents, hiding in his room. That he had started to lose weight fast and he feels cold. How they where letting him die and he was scared all alone.

It hurt. It hurts to write. I feel so helpless. It really hit me. I was the only one who cared about him in his eyes. I taught him about consensual relationships. I’m the one that made him not want his abuser. It hit me like a truck, as he told me how he felt I was the only one he had left.

He wants his family members did. I know he does and he pretty much told me. I know he’d never do it though. I told him even though he treated me so horribly, he’s a good person. He always has been. And always will be…he denies it but I know it hit him hard. He forgave me for breaking my promise, for leaving him.

I don’t deserve it.