The 29th Year in The Day To Day Ramblings

I want to start this off by saying I'm going to write about my birthday but please feel no obligation to then wish me a happy one. I feel very self conscious about that today after sharing some things on Facebook and Twitter and getting some immediate and negative feedback about asking for attention. I'm simply sharing in what I'm thinking and feeling - the very root of social media - and I'm in no way trying to get anyone to pay me any attention. I don't think this preemptive notice is needed on a site like this but I'm sharing it never the less.

On to the good things! :)

After staying up late and ringing in my newest year squeezed amongst a snuggly puppy and a sleeping husband, curled up between flannel sheets and the pages of a good book, I knew my 29th birthday would be a good one. I slept in a bit, waking to no alarm but my husband curling around me and waking me up with a kiss on the neck. We lay there and talked about our plans for the day, what I hoped to accomplish, what he wanted to get done. The dog hopped on the bed and off, on the bed and off...as soon as our eyelids are open and words are coming out of our mouths it absolutely must be breakfast time in her mind.

We wandered to the bathroom, put our contacts in, enjoyed the familiarity of a double sink in a master bathroom, bumping elbows and smiling across the mirror. We walked downstairs and there I was greeted by the most magical sight.

He had woken up in the middle of the night to a 3 AM alarm clock and snuck downstairs. He had bought a helium tank and a package of balloons and he'd tied every single string to a nail or a screw or a bolt, just enough to weigh them down but let them dance a little as I ran through them. He tied them in varying heights and placed them all over the living room. I threw my head back in laughter at seeing them, immediately running between their colorful floating heads and giggling to myself. I LOVED them. What a sweet, sweet gesture.

He had apparently carved a path through them for me to wander through but I had messed it up playing in them so happily. At the end of the path was a card wherein he'd written "My life is better because of you. I really do love you with all of my heart." (and then I died and got teary and felt my heart expanding in my chest) as well as a gorgeous set of diamond earrings. I don't own real diamond earrings - only the $5 knockoffs from Target. I was so touched. I remember mentioning that I wanted a set of diamond earrings someday, some far away day when I am older and we have a big anniversary or something. He was listening, that sneaky man, and he bought them in advance. Sometimes I don't know how I got so lucky - or why he puts up with all my sass and spoils me so.

From there I took off with the dog to the dog park and he took off to a gig with his band. Claire and I enjoyed a solid hour of phone-free solitude, nothing but the tail end of the sunrise and a sky fading to a quiet blue from a bright, brilliant pink. We crunched along in the snow, her head thrown back with wild and carefree glee and my head swirling with all the plans I have ahead and all the reflection one accumulates on a birthday.

Came home, showered, threw on a favorite outfit (that's what birthdays are for, I think - to be comfortable and happy. Favorite colors always do that for me.) and headed out to a pedicure appointment with my best friend and a close friend who has drifted from me a bit lately but who I was thrilled to be able to see. We got our toes beautified and grabbed some lunch. Sushi, their treat they insisted. Over crunchy shrimp rolls and edamame and drinks sweetened with secret ingredients, we caught up on all the latest happenings and reflected on our years of shared memories. It was a good afternoon - relaxed, carefree, no one distracted or needing to leave early or there out of obligation or commitment. All three of us genuinely like one another and that, simply enough, made for a wonderful few hours.

Now I've been back home, relaxing on the couch with a sleeping dog on my legs. My Badger basketball team lost today but that's alright. I caught up on House of Cards, kissed my husband hello when he got home from his gig and in a bit we will head down to a local Birthday Bar and have a few drinks with some of my friends. Nothing big or busy, just a few friends and some burgers and surrounding myself by the people who made this last year so special. I used to be all about the big parties and stressing over the invite list and trying to make sure to include everyone. Not anymore. Something about 29 already feels older. Not in a good way or a bad way...just...more certain of myself. This year I want to claim myself, own it, stand up for it, embrace it, grow into it. I want this to be my year to understand that it's okay to be myself, in all its broken or bent or perhaps unsavory ways because there is also so much good and well intentioned and kind parts of me that are hard to get out there.

I saw something on Pinterest this morning that struck me. I've been thinking about it ever since.

I do have problems, sure - we all do, but I also have so many overpowering and deep joys. I am hesitant to share them as I get so much negative feedback. Each time I think I'm sharing something from a kind or positive place, I almost always get a immediate reminder not to brag or boast or be too self confident. I try to share joy and sprinkle goodness and fill the world with sunshine in an active and intentional way (as my nearest and dearest, Ms. Ashley does oh so well) but it keeps burning me. Time and time again I do it the wrong way or too much or not enough or with not enough tact. This year I want to try and rise above that, learn how to do it in a more effective way and share with the world what I've meant all along but have failed to portray.

Starting with right now, these are a few of the joys of my last few days. My birthday has spoiled me rotten and reminded me that those who love you show you every day, in so many ways, from the small to the grand, from the routine to the grandious. I'm surrounded by some magical and incredibly loving people. Remembering that, and that they accept me strengths and shortcomings alike, is the backbone to the hope I have for the coming year.

From the aforementioned, darling aglow.

And because they are the roots that built my wings, I want to end with my parents.

They both hand delivered cards today, along with two bouquets of flowers and a homemade cake (my favorite flavors!) by my mom.

She wrote me a card that made me cry, ending it with "29 years ago YOU made this day a special day forever for me. I feel so fortunate to have such a close relationship with you. Not just as mother-daughter which is awesome in itself but also you are my friend. I share with you and you share with me. I can't imagine my life without your youthful exuberance AND your deep care and concern for an "old soul". You delight me daily! I love you forever."

My dad's card simply said, "You make me proud every single day. I love you more."

And that, my friends, is how you forget all the bullshit and you remember what matters. Today has been a most humbling and beautiful day.