Focus in Current Events

I wrote a complete list of things that I have been avoiding. From big things like dealing with my financial crisis to little things like putting air in my tires. I suppose that this list will be my 2019 resolutions? I don’t have much of this decade left to get that done. My birthday is in three weeks. 34 times around the sun, can you believe? Gosh, I’ll have existed in five separate decades. Anyways, I intend to get that list started today. I keep reminding myself that it will feel so good to get it all done. The big thing that is stressing me out is that I have to open up to my family about my situation. I keep emotionally preparing myself for the worst-case reactions and these thoughts do not bring me health. It’s going to be so hard but the truth is simple. Lies are complicated, truths are not. I have to get real with them and myself. I don’t mean to sound corny but the truth should set me free.

I guess that I’m just trying to come back to life. To reconnect with my goals. I am in that void, that space between my old self and my new self. Between my old life and my new life. I feel like I have imposter syndrome but that is because I have not fully embraced my new self. I haven’t let go of my old self quite yet either. The ego is putting up a good fight here.

Honestly, I’m starting to feel overwhelmed actually, my list is stressing me out now lol. I think too big, that is my problem. I need to think small and just focus on the next step.
Follow
One
Course
Until
Success

I’ve changed a lot in these last few years. I should be proud of myself for it all. I just need to push through these energy blocks that I have right now and then I should, in theory, live out loud again. Louder than ever.

Ok, this has nothing to do with anything but I lost ten pounds. I was pretty gagged when I stepped on that scale yesterday. It was a lot of work to put on weight these last few years. Apparently my gaming addiction, high anxiety, flu and lack of exercise did a body good? I’m obsessed with looking at my stomach in the mirror today. This can’t possibly be healthy lol. I’m like, yes come through abs come through. Anyways, I should take a break from PB for a while.

Oh this spoke to me

Last updated December 19, 2019