Please help in ❅journal 2019❅

I don’t know what to do.

I feel like I’m lying, a part of me is hoping I’m lying. I don’t want to be a victim of online sexual assault. I don’t want it. I want to cry and roll up into a ball.

My memories so patchy. Things I think where there dissapear after some tears. I buried everything from that day and bringing it back up terrifies me. I always joked about it, hiding it all as me being a dumb kid and now that I know that isn’t the case I’m spiraling.

I can’t remember it clearly and I’m crying. I’m scared nobody will believe me soon as they realize I can’t remember everything right, I don’t know what to do. It happened, I remember it all, I remember the drive home, the yelling, the crying, the torment

I feel like I’m not reacting right? I feel like I should be screaming and panicking and throwing up but I’m not. I’m just constantly fearful and afraid. I don’t want to go to school anymore. I’m scared. More scared than ever.