About time. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

Mark your calendars, I'm in a fantastic mood. Day nine dry, and I'm four for four at the gym this week. Am I over the hump? God damn, I better be, I've suffered enough. Even in the darkness, I kind of look around and say, "You know, there's really nothing wrong with my life. I just feel like shit for no reason." I like to think I've gotten better with not searching for things to beat myself up about. Those touched by darkness know it's very hard to think positive things when we feel like that.

Or maybe I just needed a few days off in a row, really in a row, to feel rested. My biggest vices were alcohol and not getting enough sleep. To keep feeling like this, I gotta make sure I GET ENOUGH SLEEP. God damn.

I'm in the mood to drive to music. I think I'll take Elissa to Arby's when she drops by later.

As I was driving back from the gym, it occurred to me that days like these were the times I enjoyed having Candi. Just. We were really good at spending time together, as dumb as that sounds. Wasting time, I suppose? Movies or video games or getting out, whatever. We logged SO many hours playing Everquest2 together.

But. We were only happy when I was happy. Keeps coming back to that. When I wasn't okay, I pulled into myself and felt like I had nobody to comfort me. You gotta feel, without question, that someone makes you feel better when you're low, rather than questioning how you're even going to begin to speak. Because I'm an awkward person and when I'm most relaxed, I just kind of BLARGH my stuff and feel better sharing.

She might say it's my fault for not trusting her. Yet, why place blame? Sometimes, it's just a feeling. I never felt like I could be that level of close to her. It was nothing she did wrong. It was just her.

When you're sad or depressed, you need things to look forward to, as something to work towards, a reason to not just give up or kill yourself. And when you're content, the present is all you need to look at.

Also, Kira says "Time for loving is now, Daddy."