Sophrosyne (and Teddy - just the last paragraph) in Various Endearments

Plotinus on the essential nature of virtue is nice and clever: "If a fire is to warm something else, must there be a fire to warm that fire? Against the first illustration it may be retorted that the source of the warmth does already contain warmth, not by an infusion but as an essential phase of its nature, so that, if the analogy is to hold, the argument would make Virtue something communicated to the Soul but an essential constituent of the Principle from which the Soul attaining Likeness absorbs it....in fact virtue is one thing, the source of virtue is quite another. The material house is not identical with the house conceived in the intellect, and yet stands in its likeness: the material house has distribution and order while the pure idea is not constituted by any such elements; distribution, order, symmetry are not parts of an idea. So it is with us: it is from the Supreme that we derive order and distribution and harmony, which are virtues in this sphere: the Existences There, having no need of harmony, order, or distribution, have nothing to do with virtue; and, none the less, it is by our possession of virtue that we become like to Them" (I.2.).

The man who stands near the fire does not become fire. But he warms. He is more than the sum of the fire, while lacking nearly all aspects of the fire. What he takes from the fire, therefore, will have a new, necessarily diluted, form. Man's application of virtue is very different, more nuanced and warped and impoverished by the messy specificity of mankind's daily existence. My spin's more negative than his, but nevertheless I think I've got it right.

And so I'm skeptical that outright, objective virtue can be attained by human beings. Our motivations are too multifaceted. Virtue, at a certain point, can't handle crowding, and this place is crowded with obscure, banal, obnoxiously everything-altering factors. Aaron and I were talking a while back about whether or not it would be ethically sound to tell a man that his wife had had an affair in the distant past. Personalizing this a bit, I think it would be morally reprehensible of me to tell Matthew that Lydia cheated on him years ago (didn't happen by the way - this is just the couple I'm closest to). My motives would matter, and if I were to tell him this, I would be knowingly ending a loving relationship that gives Lydia's life purpose. This is a disloyal move. I would do it out of a deep rooted kind of selfishness where feeling comfortable, or not reprehensible in the eyes of traditional Aristotelian virtue, is more important than loyalty to a friend and protectiveness of one of the best relationships I've ever encountered. I would be hurting both of them. It would be purposeful. I would be choosing to wash my hands of any guilty feelings rather than choosing to preserve a happy family. And not only my motives would matter. Their situation would also. I would be doing both an outright disservice.

Most of my epiphanies smack me while I write. Or I just didn't want to think about it until now. It's been a long time coming. Aaron's through with me. I think. I hope? I might hope. I have no straightforward feelings about it. On a selfish level, painful and sad. Ultimately, I think it's good? If he's letting go of something, even if it's not a major thing, that's still a start, a shift nearer Dasein (not that Dasein's his thing - polar fucking opposites there [and in nearly everything else? {Although it's pretty obvious that we don't know enough about each other to really be certain. Don't know each other and didn't.}]). I don't recall him doing as good a job with Rachael (for obvious and less obvious reasons), so it's more than a start. I feel ashamed that I didn't start it. I wasn't sure he'd actually started anything - maybe he was just busy or sick or exhausted in general - but he's been on Facebook, he's responded to other people. I can't imagine he didn't want me to take a hint.

If you see this, Teddy, I'm proud of you. I don't need to come back to the Starlight. I won't try to contact you. Again, I'm proud of you. I won't write about you in here after today, so you don't have to check it. One more of the annoying apologies you've always hated: I'm sorry for letting myself be a problem, and you've been the stronger, better one about moving forward. Ganbare in everything, and though it was bad, trying to know you was also good.