Emotions in ❅journal 2019❅

So my friend’s back from the hospital.

I honestly felt zero emotion when she texted me, i think my body was just exhuasted. My mind to. I remember constantly checking to see if she’d text me back, obssessing over it, wondering if she died, wondering where she was,checking her states missing persons website multiple times, contacting multiple people about her wearabouts, contacting psychics about it, crying, blaming myself, etc.

So her coming back…I felt nothing. I’m happy ofcourse and thankful she’s alive but also something feels wrong. And i don’t like it. So I can’t really idk…weird day.

I feel like in these situations you’re supposed to watch the person nonstop and text them and check up on them. But I just can’t. It doesn’t feel like it’s my place, I feel like an outsider, i dont feel like she wants me near, so I’m not going to try to. I cried so hard when I couldn’t contact her, i felt it in my heart she was dead. So I grieved and im so glad she isn’t because she really could’ve died but also I’m like dead inside.