NJM 22 in NoJoMo 2019

Write about a time you had to walk away from someone you love.

Me cutting my sister Kim out of my life.

She’s had a drinking problem since I was born, if not earlier than that. Most memories of her, she’s drunk. In the 80s, I would drink with her. I was a kid. But I started drinking on my own when I was probably around 12. Still that’s pretty fucked up that she had no problem drinking with her 13 year old sister.

It got worse over the years. That is the major reason her first husband left her though he did it in such a wrong way I was pissed at him, too.

She would bring me bar hopping when I was 17. One night I was babysitting the kids, and she came home with a couple of bottles of Merlot. Of course she was already drunk at that time, but I was an addict myself so I was all like “Party time!”

Her second husband, the Manatee (a horrible insult to manatees) came home about 11. He casually throws a bag of coke and some pills on the coffee table. So what does she do? She cuts lines on the table (it was glass). Her son, who was pretty young at the time (I could look and do the math, but why?), came downstairs to see what the hell was going on. The music got loud, we got loud so on and on. I got him to go back to bed. I still don’t know if he saw anything or not.

Anyhoo, decades later, it’s still the same shit, only worse. She’s tried to commit suicide twice.. or three times. After one of the attempts Pam offered to get her up here, get her to rehab, then she could stay with us until she got on her feet. She was all for it until she heard “rehab” and that our house was a sober house.

Last year, I just had enough. She was triggering me bad enough I was going out and punching the fence post.

The last time I actually talked to her, I told her to call me when she sobered up. Of course she’s never sober.

She called right before her daughters wedding, so drunk I could barely understand her(I never answer her calls. Voicemail first). Something about me cutting her out of my life, and she wanted to make sure that I really have. I didn’t call her.

I love her, But I hate her. For my own sanity I had to walk away.

I… had to.