Still not sad! in All of Me

Alright I am a little lonely but it's fine.I had another amazing day at work and for the first time I think I know what I am doing at work lol.I have been working here since November and there's a lot to learn and I always hafta ask a bunch of questions but yesterday and today I was doing well and I felt competent.the loneliness well I guess it will come and go.i can take it as it comes. I miss the family I made with Terrence but it wasn't really my family and wasn't meant to be.i will miss Dwain but its good that I found out early.jay will always be the person who convinced me to leave a bad marriage and was there for me through all the heartbreak and then taught me to love again...but he is also the one who broke my heart next.our friendship is complicated and once he told me I was his soulmate and I believed him for a while.

I don't know that I believe in soulmates anymore.im Definitely gonna take a little break from dating And just be me.

I know that I need to be alone but it doesn't make it any less lonely some nights.All of my friends are married with kids or engaged.they can't hang out with me like we used to.i feel a little bit like they grew up and I am left behind.im not ready to be grown up.

I'm just drifting and it's fine and I struggle most days

The other thing is my weight and how I am not used to being this big.its always been really easy for me to lose weight but lately I lose a few pounds a month and gain them back in a few days then gain more.i gain if I eat a bad meal or have a day where I drink a ginger ale and I have struggled with eating disorders in. The past and it makes it hard to see myself like this.I feel so heavy and unhealthy.Its like hard to walk.

Meanwhile I am just going to keep trying.