Wrap Up in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Show happened.
Roughest one yet; but people still loved it.
The actress playing my sister was a little over the top today; so I pulled mine back as a compensation. Still hit the real tears, though.

In Laws were happy to see me act finally. Never seen it before.
My parents were thrilled to see me back on stage. It had been such an integral and necessary part of my existence for the majority of my existence that it was nice for them to see me “return to myself”
Wife? Mostly just shrugged. It’s the first time she’s ever seen me on stage. It is a show that she should recognize hits pretty close to home for us.

Her comments? “Lydia over acted; the set looked like it was from the 1970s; and ‘Emily’ is incredibly gorgeous.” So I asked her about the content of the play. “Well, I’d already read the script. Sure it makes me sad but I ‘d already read the script.”

Great. Thanks. Glad you can’t discuss whether you now find me to be an amazing actor or a subpar actor or have any specific comment on your husband’s acting job. Also glad that you don’t have any insights or reactions to watching your husband act out “his struggles about divorce” in a play. Not to be too insulting but… woman, your emotional quotient is dead.

So tomorrow is the last night of the play. And I was thinking about it.

Everyone is happy it is done. They’re like “This was a lot of fun and I love doing it; but it is nice that it is over.” But I’m not in agreement. I missed acting. I have deeply missed spending time with other people. I am honestly going to miss seeing “Emily” almost every day. Essentially, for me, while everyone gets to “go back to their lives” when this is over? I have to go back to Act 2 Scene 1. That is my life. The guy sitting there at the table thinking to himself “I don’t have someone that is going to marry me after I burn down their mom’s house. I don’t have someone that is going to sleep outside my bedroom or yell at handsy teenagers because they miss me. I don’t have that kind of love. I thought I did. For five years, I thought I did! But I didn’t. I never did.” That is my exact line in Act 2 Scene 1. That is what I get to return to.

So… yeah, friends of theater. I’m happy that “Allison” gets to go back to being a mom and plan her wedding. I’m happy that “J.D.” and “Julia” get to return to their lives of working and living together and enjoying life as a couple. I’m happy that “Thomas” gets to go back to fulfilling his 5 year plan in an attempt to become a voice actor. I’m happy that “Charlie” gets to go back to being a little girl in Elementary school. I’m happy that “Emily” gets to spend more time with her family. SO… hooray for them that they get to return to the lives that they put on hold to come play pretend on stage. But that is the hard, scary, uncomfortable truth of this play for me. It is so much, too much, like what I’m actually dealing with.... that I don’t get to hang up the character and go back to living life as ME. I get to hang up the parts of theater where I am hanging out with other people. I get to hang up the parts of theater where I have somewhere besides my home to go to at the end of the day. But the 35 year old childless professional facing potential significant life change because of marital problems?! I don’t get to hang that up. I get to return to that. I get to live that. So… I won’t rain on anyone’s parade. I’ll celebrate the end of the show and smile and wish them all luck and hope to see them again. But I won’t be happy. I’m not thrilled that the show is coming to an end. Because when the curtain falls for the last time? It isn’t the end. For me. It just means that now I have to deal with all of it in real life.