11 in Ponderings of the Universe

I’m still worn out from yesterday. It often astounds me how long the effects of some social activities last.

We did brunch for Aaron’s aunt Peg’s 70th birthday and that fancy restaurant his family tends to go to. It’s nice but not amazing. I felt quiet and awkward and like I didn’t fit in more so than usual. There was talk of getting together for Thanksgiving weekend and all I could think was noooo too soon.

We went home for a few hours and I fretted about the next social activity.

We left for Amber’s birthday thing. It was an escape room downtown and it was hard to find. We did not give ourselves enough time to get there (I didn’t know where it was or what time we were supposed to be there, otherwise I would have made sure we left much earlier for my sake) and were late. You know what else drives me to panic? Being late for stuff that has a specific start time that isn’t flexible. I was nearly in tears by the time we got there like 2 minutes before the escape room started. And you know what was there when we arrived. Not just the one person I didn’t really know, which I was expecting, but 4 other people I had never met and wasn’t expecting. I don’t do well in large groups. Then shove us all in a small room with a ticking clock and a disorganized task. I was so overwhelmed I could have had a complete meltdown. But I didn’t. And I’m proud of myself for that.

I didn’t really try to help with the escape room much. It was too much going on at once and too many people. I tried to look at areas of the room where others weren’t as concentrated just to get away. I figured a few things out but mostly just tried to get away from people. Maybe it would have been fun with all people I knew/a smaller group. 10 people is way too many.

We did solve the room with about 8 minutes to spare. Our clue master said only about 40% of groups solve the room and he only gave 25% of the clues he usually has too. I don’t know if he was bullshitting but it was interesting to hear.

After was dinner, which I originally was not going to attend because theoretically that’s when people I didn’t know were going to join, but I’d already been surprised by them at the escape room so I said fuck it, I’m being fed. We went to the Melting Pot which is tasty but overrated. I had some alcohol but it wasn’t enough to really do anything relaxing/beneficial. Cheese course is the best part and is enough to make me want to fondue pot but they are so much work to clean after sticky cheese! The other problem with Melting Pot is it goes on FOREVER. I swear we were there for at least 3 hours.

I was really happy when it was over. Amber seemed to enjoy herself, so that matters most.

I know this all sounds ridiculous and petty but it’s my brain and I’m stuck with it. It was so exhausting for something that’s supposed to be fun. It made me so happy that I have nothing planned for my own birthday (aside from a feast since it falls on Thanskgiving but it will only be mom, dad, Aaron and me).

Even though work stresses me out, it was a weird relief to go in today and be surrounded by my coworkers. It was so comfortable and soothing, at least in a human interaction way.

Aaron tried to help today by giving me a long massage after work. It helped some and was very nice. I still need to recharge my social batteries so to speak more and it’s not a quick process nor one I understand at all. I think I’m going to buy myself a present now.