Momentary Feeling in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

I find myself.... restless. Which I find combines with my curiosity in unfortunate ways. Because, you see, they are competing impulses for me at this moment.

I want to sit, and read, and learn things.
But I am restless. I would much prefer to stand, and go, and do things.

But these loops are eating one another.

For instance:

Outside of work? Busy busy busy. Play Practice, Cooking, Cleaning, getting the house ready for guests, running lines, taking care of the dog, grocery shopping… on and on and on. Busy busy busy. So the restlessness is not an issue there. But then, there is also nothing for my curiosity. At those moments it is simply do.

At work? Well, this week is the calm before the storm. My boss leaves for a trip on Tuesday. So despite what I may have prepared for next week; I must also make sure to cover him. So Monday is a Juvenile Court Day for me (14 hearings). Tuesday my 2 cake walk hearings now become 5 hearings including a contentious suppression hearing and 2 pretrial conferences for immediate jury trials. And my Thursday? Oh, try doing a Thursday with only one attorney in this county these days!! Originally, I had 18 hearings on Thursday. But all of those are screwed now because I have to cover 1 Jury Trial for my boss and try to figure out… what the hell happens to those 18 hearings I can’t now attend.

So… with the raging fire of next week.... this week? Honestly… not a lot I can do. I was unable to do anything about Thursday until this Thursday passed. I would far prefer to spend my time right now reading or writing, or just saying “skip it” and go back home early to get more work around the house done… but… I can’t. So I just sit here… feeling restless… wanting to know and experience and read and learn… but too restless to even sit long enough to do that really.