Child of a baby boomer in After OD

I’ve slipped into this stage of my life where I often feel as though I am reverse parenting. I’m a parent to my daughter, of course, but I now find myself mothering my own mother. It is difficult and awkward and there should be some kind of support group for this!

Mom retired a month ago. I’m elated because she was miserable. She worked as a social worker in a nursing home. It was a job she was good at and she truly cared for her residents. However, when my grandmother passed away last year my mom changed. I think it just became too hard for her to be reminded day in and day out of grandma. She put it off for too long but finally gave in and signed the papers over the summer.

Retirement looks good on her. She got her hair dyed and just looks lighter in a sense. She even bought a new car. I threw a party for her and she was thrilled with all the nice things people said to and about her.

Nothing is ever perfect though. Not working has given her more time. Lots of time. Time to think about her life and what it’s lacking. She is lonely. My parents divorced 15 years ago. Not once has she dated. Not once has she attempted to make a man friend, even just a companion to have coffee or lunch with now and again. And so when a stranger came a knocking via the inter web, mom’s vulnerability got the best of her and she took the bait.

She had been talking to this guy for weeks before I knew anything about it. When she did bring it up, she was very guarded and secretive like I was going to scold her for doing something wrong. Frankly, I have to laugh because those who know me know that I met my husband (and past flames) on the internet too. Her behavior was enough to get my radar up. She promised to tell me more if anything came of it.

Fast forward several more weeks and as we were in the car one day she asked my husband how to know if she was being scammed. Red alert! At that point she gave up his name. I did some sleuthing on Facebook and in under 30 seconds I found the name and photo he had sent her on a page about scammers and frauds.

While she kept her composure, I knew she was dying inside. I felt like an asshole for destroying this happy little fantasy life she was living, but I have to protect her. My mother is quite gullible at times. She may not fall for a Nigerian prince, but a story slightly more realistic would most definitely fool her.

Even days later when the matter came up again, she said he told her that the name was spelled wrong, why didn’t she believe him that he is who he says? He blamed her for already making up her mind about him by being suspicious. I told her she needed physical proof that he is who he says if she wanted to keep talking with him.

I called her today and she sounded down. When I asked what was wrong, I could hear her holding tears back as she whimpered that she feels like a fool. I told her that she isn’t the only one this has happened too. She said she wasn’t up for talking and would call me later.

So here I am, worrying about my mom, I’m sure just as she worried about me in my younger days. Funny how the tables turn. I want her to be happy, but I’m very concerned that her naivety of the internet and the modern world in general is going to get her hurt in one way or another.

Last updated October 28, 2019