iDumb in Current Events

I’m so gagged. I decided to join the 21st century and download Audible. I get one credit for the 30-day free trial and I accidentally used it to download the wrong book. I wanted Mel Robbin’s audiobook Take Control of Your Life but I accidentally downloaded Work It Out which is absolutely not related to me at all whatsoever. To add insult to injury, the only reason I downloaded Audible was to use my free trial credit to get Gretchen Carlson’s book Be Fierce but I got distracted while browsing the Audible library. Why me so dumb is? I poured a glass of Shiraz and grabbed my notepad and a pen while it downloaded… then I oop. It’s like an average of $25 per audiobook. I should just crime…

And fuck yes, Kathy Griffin should not let misogyny be comfortable. Did you guys see her blast that guy on his news show? Initially, it feels like she is being disobedient to talk back to a man that way but that just goes to show how much work needs to be done to get rid of misogyny. If I was to be forced into a first-year situation when I go back to school I will definitely jump into a women’s studies because I have so much to learn. I could “buy” and audiobook or two about this as well actually. Mansplaining feminism is exactly what this world needs #NOT lol.

That big flu going around only affected me for one day. Halleloo. I wouldn’t say it was Vegan power because this is a pretty normal shelf life for a cold for me. I went for a run and I had a little chest day instead of facing my fears and taking control of my life again.

I’m finally starting to like the way my body is looking, especially my core muscles. Then I start to wonder if people who take their fitness very seriously have actual self-esteem or if it just all comes from how their bodies look? Is a flat stomach something that should be so celebrated? Like, I’m open about how much it used to hurt looking at “fitness models” on Instagram. That’s why I deleted all of my content and went on a social media cleanse a year ago, which is still going strong. Strongish, I’m back on IG but my presence is very small. I’ll post something in my story once in a while. There is one IG model that I do follow and he recently posted a pic of himself naked with his back turned to the camera. You would think that his glutes were what I noticed first but it was actually the cocaine residue he failed to notice was all over the table in his hotel room lol. He’s twenty so whatever. I’m just following him until I find him ugly. His name is Manu Rios if you really want to know. Anyway, that is how I cope with good looking people, I tear them down in my head until I feel better about myself. Yup, I’m a closeted bad person.

There are a lot of side effects that fitness models don’t talk about. Our bodies need carbs and these people have their diets so unnaturally carb-restricted so you can imagine, there are few problems that they run into. Fatigue, low libidos, erectile dysfunctions, irregular menstrual cycles & eating disorders just to name a few. I know that keto is the current bullet poof diet that people are still talking about but in the Game Changers documentary, the Vegan bodybuilder is able to have all the carbs that his little heart desires. To be honest, I only felt a need to even start a fitness journey to get people to stop coming at me about protein. I’m vegan so some people seem to need to clock me for everything. I’ve actually never hated my body more since I started a fitness journey, it’s like I need to work out to be able to like what I see in the mirror. Shorter guys seem to pack on muscles so much easier than I can. I learned today that because I am so tall and lanky, the weights have further to travel when I do things like a bench press. Other muscles need to help which makes it a little difficult to develop targetted muscles. I could hack these exercises if I had a fitness trainer. Like arching my back during a bench press would create a shorter distance and leave my shoulders out of that bench press. Getting lean is where I have the advantage because I’m so tall and lanky. Bro splits is what I am doing but I need a smart program for myself and I would totally need the help of a fitness trainer to get my body to where I want which is… to become absolutely shredded. Well, I could probably just do Crossfit. Toni really wants to do some Crossfit with me.

My journey is barely even serious at that. The fitness models that we all look up to? That body is 20% workout and 80% diet. It’s 100% of their time right there. My friend Leanne thinks that I am judgemental when it comes to weight. I keep referring to obesity as a disease so I’m apparently fatphobic. I don’t expect anybody to be skinny. Should I become a nutritionist or a dietician I just want people to help people get to what their body needs. If that is 190lbs or whatever then that is 190lbs or whatever.

I don’t know how this turned into a conversation about bodies. I’m just waiting for the kitchen to clear out so that I can cook something. I’m craving south Asian food once again. I have fresh coriander that I need to use up. I also need to look up new recipes. I’m too depressed to even try these days.

Last updated October 27, 2019