It's Done in Public

I wrote that entry last Saturday and then forgot about it. I went to church on Sunday morning and the sermon was … written for me. Two weekends ago my parents were here and my mom and I were talking about how I wasn’t thriving in this position and that God provided me with a husband who worked hard to make us financially comfortable and there was no reason for me to be “just surviving” in this job. Well, as with most good talks with my mom, that stuck with me and I’d been thinking hard on it all week. Fast forward to the 6th and I am sitting in church after a powerful 30 minutes of worship and Pastor starts talking about thriving.

My eyes bugged out. My heart beat quickened. I was rapt with anticipation of getting some Godly advice. And Pastor did not fail. He talked about how God gave us a life to thrive in and not just survive through. He calls us to call upon the Spirit and use His power to live this thriving life. How we’re strong enough, with the Spirit and God’s power, to make a life in which we do more than survive. Sometimes we need to lean on that power inside us to make the hard changes.

Well, I took 5 pages of notes and then called my mom after service and she said “well, there ya go”. I spoke with Liam and we decided I should tell the school I was done after October 31st. Then Monday came and the kids were out of control (I’m not joking here, the behavior problems in my class are uncontrollable) and I was near to tears all day and thinking hard on this thriving thing. I stopped that afternoon and spoke with my Vice Principal and let her know that the 11th would be my last day. I think she was surprised but I was in tears and I don’t think she knew what to do about that.

I went to my doctor on Wednesday and she diagnosed me with an ulcer, GERD, and put me back on a daily anti-anxiety (short term) pill. She noted that I’d lost 15 lbs since starting this job and I informed her that’s because I barely eat and my tummy is always hurting. She said it’s stress, more than likely, and that the job didn’t seem to be a good fit for me. She said “you were thriving after your surgery and now you’re barely surviving”. Another sign for me that I made the right choice in leaving this position.

I closed out the first quarter grades yesterday and Liam and I are going this morning to grab my bigger items from my classroom. I’m sad to be done but I’m also feeling some weight lift off my shoulders.