Health Scare possibly smoking related. in Aftermath

So I just got back from the hospital I was there since 6 am.



I have a cold but it just kept getting worse. I woke up from a fitful sleep vommiting and could breathe. Was really scary and confusing.



Luckily I live beside the hospital but i still took an ambulance bc i couldnt walk much anywhere.



I hate hospitals alot. Ive have had really bad experiences with hospitals. Mostly w mental health issues but I have been assaulted badly twice by over zealous paramedics security guards etc. And just basically treated with distain. Hospitals trigger the fuck out of me.



This time i was pleasently surprised



I was treated w kindness respect and care. It was a shock.



Anyways got xrays but b4 that i had to take a preg test. Wasnt preganant luckily.



Than blood tests and heart monitoring etx.



And alot of nebulizers and puffers and breath tests.



Physically it was exhausting and physically it was very scary and torture for a bit. But luckily i was able to fall asleep w a help of an ativan



I started crying bc they started mentioning COPD and Empatsima. However you spell it.



It scared me and i was mad and sad at myself that i cant quit smoking and a part of me doesnt want to quit smoking. But i may have to.



Luckily it may just be asthma. But before this cold i had a persistant cough and my mom kept saying shes worried  and worried and i kept brushing her off.



Until i catch a cold that exuberates the "maybe asthma"



Its so like me to ignore red flags until it becomes inescapable to ignore and become bigger than it should be.



On the bright side I am not smoking for 3 days now even though i pretty much cannt physically do it anyways. Although I want to take a puff and may take one.  Im not smoking because i completely want not to smoke.



Ugh but seriously i thought the vape would help but it didnt i dont want to use it w all this propaganda about ppl dying suddenly. Even though ppl are just saying its ppl who are using it with cbd oil incorrectly. That info sticks w you.



Ugh nicotine is the devil. Its wrecking havok on me.



I need to quit. I sort of want to quit. Deep down i know I should and know I could

Im only 32. BUT I AM 32. Im no kid anymore not even a young adult. I dont know what youd call someone in their early 30s. Its like we are the forgotten age range theres pre teens than teens than young adults than 30.
.



But i dont know.