It's Finally Sunday in Current Events

I do not have to dread anything. The social & the wedding are all over and done with and my brother in law left town for work. I can finally breathe. I noticed that I had a lot of hair fall out while I shampooed yesterday. More than usual, by like a lot. My hairline looked immediately thiner in one spot. Do I have alopecia? This happened to my sister once. I felt so bad for her. It grew back thank god. If it is alopecia I totally deserve it for not eating and for failing to take care of myself. I need to assess and evaluate myself to see how I let this happened so I can prevent this from happening again. I’m not usually a mess. Somebody gave me some great advice about being prepared for these episodes of anxiety & depression and have a lot of ready-made food available. I’ll also make sure that I wear lipstick next time my anxiety & depression gangbang me like that so I can least look pretty for them.

When I picked up Toni I decided that I was going to be honest about how much dread I was feeling and how bad my anxiety was about going to this wedding. That was a mistake. After I aired it out a bit I started to completely unravel. I became a handful. I had a complete meltdown about parking. I don’t usually show pain or fear around my friends and it was clear that it completely ruined Toni’s mood. She was ready to have a good time. Keeping me together was not on her itinerary. Her ex was a complete basket case. His mental health issues landed him a psych ward multiple times. He was actually getting electric shock therapy at one point. It took Toni a long time to get out of that relationship so she was not having it when I started to become a handful.

It was a nice ceremony. The song they walked off on was RuPaul’s You Better Work. I got to see Ashley’s mom, Jess and her husband and my interactions with her “groomsmen” were short and sweet. I felt sick to my stomach and thought that I was going to faint because I had not eaten yet that day. My hands were just trembling but I got through it. I don’t think I heard a word during that ceremony because I concentrating on not fainting.

After the ceremony, Toni and I went to Stella’s cafe to grab a bite. We had three hours to kill before the reception. I don’t know what my issue is but I could not stop staring at our servers butt. The way that he was looking at me and interacting with me was interesting. Then I realized that I was still dressed in a suit and he had a bit of “admiration & respect” maybe? He was a terrible server. I didn’t notice but Toni pointed it out. She does these gigs once in a while for extra money. Thanks to me ruining her mood earlier she was very passive-aggressive toward him. She got up and started to help herself to her own coffee refills. He intercepted and she told him “I am here for coffee and I am not getting good service.” I’ve never seen this side of Toni. I was uncomfortable but she was just making her expectations clear and she was not taking any bullshit. She wasn’t causing a scene or anything. She explained how she has to be like this to get respect from the men that she works with. I was getting more attention than her from our server before she started to get pissed off about the service. She inspired me to toughen up a bit and stand up for myself. There are plenty of times when I wanted to speak up about poor service and whatever. The first thing that I noticed at this cafe was how miserable all of the employees looked. That reflects management, if I had half a testicle I would have talked to the manager about it. Speaking of testicles, when I went to heat up my leftovers from that cafe at the end of the night Toni told me that she doesn’t like using her microwave because of radiation. I’m like “we’re millennials, your ovaries and my sperm are being fried by wifi.” Like just wait until we get 5g towers, look at what happens to the trees and birds near those you guys. It’s actually terrifying.

There was a guy sitting by himself at the ceremony who was serving Le Chateau realness in a blue fitted skinny suit, black and white polka-dotted shirt and dress socks and he wore aviators the entire time. He had long gorgeous dreads and I just wanted to take a picture so that it could last longer. Clearly he was not from around here and I assumed that he was with one of the bridesmaids, which he was. They had Toronto written all over them and I was right. Nobody from my little city dresses that well. I felt a weird “connection” with him all night. I felt like he wanted me to introduce myself. He followed me into the bathroom, he was never too far behind me when I went to the bar, he followed me on the dancefloor. He still wore those aviators and he seemed intimidating because he looked so cool and I was too scared to introduce myself and I think I might have offended him somehow at some point. Maybe he thought I didn’t want to talk to him because he was black? I should have introduced myself, I wanted to so badly but I chickened out. Ridiculously good looking people are scary. I noticed that whenever Jess and I went to the dancefloor a crowd would follow. People were joining our circle, I felt like a cool kid for a moment lol. I feel bad though, what if my insecurities and shyness actually did affect that guy in some way? He was clearly talking about me with his girlfriend at one point. She kept looking over at me, at least with a smile. I dunno. I’m weird. I should have used Mel Robins 5-second rule and just did it. “Hey Man! You look sickening. You sitting by yourself? Want to come sit at our table? My name is Tom.” Then I could have stolen him from his girlfriend… jk.

I’m eye candy deprived, the guys working at the reception should not have been eye candy but they were. Toni and I were obsessed with the one guy who was fit as fuck. He was short but built like… the pornstar Kyle Dean, booty included. I could not stop starring at his ass. I felt like a dirty old pervert. On one of my trips to the bathroom, I heard the guys working the bar talk about my shirt. They were stans.

They played a slideshow after the speeches. It ended with a video from Jann Arden that she recorded from her phone. She recognizes Sarah as one of her biggest fans and she congratulated them and sang them a verse from Sarah’s favourite song. It was beautiful. However, I am fully aware that you actually buy shoutouts from some celebrities. They’ll say whatever you want. I don’t know if Jann is signed up for those services or not. People usually buy those shoutouts to put on their IG to convince people that they know famous people to get more clout. I hope it was a genuine moment. Why do I got to be so skeptical?

The seating chart concept was so cute. There was a board with pictures of gay icons, musicians, that matched a table with a list of who is to sit at that table. Then the game was that the DJ was going to play a song from one of those icons and that’s when the table was allowed to go to the buffet. We had George Michael, the only person on the chart who was deceased so I knew that our table was going to be dead last. The purple Teletubby was one of them so everybody was confused when that song came on lol. Sarah, one of the brides, got a little upset because a plate was supposed to be set aside for me and they didn’t do that. It was ok, I knew how to hack the buffet situation. Their chickpea salad looked vegan and I got that confirmed and I went to town on that one. It had all of the South Asian flavours that I love to death. Later on, they opened up a poutine bar. I just ate the fries with all the vegetable toppings. I finally had my appetite back. I woke up with an ulcer in my mouth today so between Stella’s and the wedding I might have had some dairy cross contimination. I’ll live. I just can’t have spicy food for a day or two :(

Toni and I left around 11. I was taking a few pictures by the hallway that lead to the door and bathrooms for Jess and Ashley when suddenly I felt somebody kick me. It seemed like an innocent I didn’t see your long gorgeous legs there and I accidentally tripped on one but that was not possible with the way that I was standing. Also, how do you not notice these legs? I’m the tallest guy in the room. It was the guy with the dreads. I got no apology and he didn’t even turn my direction. I think I did piss him off… speaking of my legs. I had wardrobe issues before I even left the house. The dress pants I was aiming to wear turned out to be way too tight. Like, they would have ripped wide open if I sat down wearing them. My thighs and booty are a little bigger since I bought them. My leg days might be paying off. My cat laid down on the black jeans I was going to wear as a backup, I didn’t have time to lint roll dat bitch so I put on my low-rise waxed skinnies that barely fit me also. I might have been serving up some VPL but I doubt it. I make damn sure that my underwear performs well for that.

I kind of ignored Toni and spent more time with Jess. Jess wanted to dance and I didn’t want to say no. She invited me to Tawnie’s wedding social in November. It’s going to be interesting because it will likely have a lot of people from high school. Jess and I both had glow-ups since then so maybe I’ll turn it out.

Anyways, I should take a break from PB here and not write for a while (that last two days last time). I am going to clean up my space, eat a big breakfast and workout. Then start creating a meal plan for myself and find a way to start getting my shit together finally. My sister mentioned that she was excited for Christmas and I immediately got lowkey hyped for winter. (If it wasn’t for driving I would love winter) Anyways, this is my favourite song to listen to in December: