I'm a Snobby Bobby in Current Events

I had an appointment to get a scaling done this morning at the Dentist. The hygenist accidentally stabbed my lip. I’m dead now. Actually decomposing. deTomposing… Pray for me. Anyways, I’m supposed to go to a social tonight with the boys. I woke up to a text from Kyle and it sounds like it will just be him and I again like last time. Then I remembered that I did not have a good time the last time that we went to one. I just lost my job that week. I felt pressured to leave the house by my roommates so I agreed to go. I’m feeling the same pressure today actually. Anyway, when I pulled on to his street I got a text saying that he needed 40 more minutes before I got there. I sat in my car for that time and just visited my thoughts. When we got to the social I saw a group of guys that I used to know and I could tell that they were a tad flustered that I was there. I kept getting side-eye and shade. I’ll call them the Sky squad.

Sky is the CEO of a network who is in his early forties and is living his twink fantasy with gay men around my age and when I met him he was obsessed with my cousin Curtis and I was obsessed with Tyler and we bonded over that. I went to his house for dinner and wine and we spent all night talking. We were very compatible with each other and I think that he saw it too but we were too involved in our boy drama. I distanced myself from him after that because he started partying hard with drugs and I don’t hang on to people with drug problems, anymore. Curtis’ ex-friends are the ones that Sky hangs out with. Snobby muscle “twinks”. They’re in their late twenties, early thirties now and are all still in a twink phase. I don’t know why I feel like they act weird around me. Curtis did tell me that his friends all think that I am a snob. That I think that I am better than them… and I’m like “They’re the ooze that eats itself. I don’t like junkies with sex addictions. When did I put that energy out there?” Apparently, my issues with my LGBT+ community make me homophobic. I don’t care what they think, I know who I am. I make my boundaries clear. I have enough self-esteem to accept that somebody does not like me. I think that bothers them. That they can’t control what I think about them so they need to control what people think about me. I have a lot of experience with narcissists.

When I first stepped out onto the gay scene in my city I thought that I was going to make a lot of friends and live happily ever after in the arms of a loving and accepting, caring LGBT community… I was wrong. It started off adding up to that, maybe. I was such a nasty queen and everybody loved me for it. I thought so anyway. My mother told me off one night before I went to the club. She told me that I needed to be nicer.
I said”Being nice is for ugly people who have nothing else going on.”
She responded “Well you’re not pretty enough for that. There’s always going to be people who think you’re ugly.”
I scoffed and then made my way to the club. I was in the bathroom socializing that same night but I felt such a disconnect. That’s when I realized that I was just another wannabe like everybody else in that room. I dropped that facade immediately. My identity crisis that followed later was at least brief.

I said no to drugs. I said no to sex. I had no problem shoving men off of me when they made advances that I didn’t ask for. I said no when I wasn’t interested in dating a guy who was a bitch to me the day before. I stood up to racism when white guys would say “for a native you’re pretty hot”. Actually, when I hear “I have a thing for natives” my panties just drop. NOT. I said no to friendships with men who have a “not fat, fem or Asian” policy. There was a bitter queen named Kelly who started a rumour about me when I rejected his advances. Literally, we had the same crush on a guy and Kelly threw himself on me in front of that guy to make it look like it was something that it wasn’t. I don’t know what that rumour was that he started but it was probably that I have HIV or some shit like that. I can survive a rumour. I had a small reputation for being a snob or maybe a goody two shoes. Is it my fault that narcissists feel shame by just looking at me? Hey look it’s Tom! Be offended. That reminds me of that awkward encounter with Vin last year. A guy who was obsessed with my ex-crush Michael, the same guy that Kelly and I liked at the same time. Vin saw me like a post that Michael had on IG and so he created a Snapchat just to catfish me to see if I was having an affair with Michael. Then he started opening up to me about their stuationship. Apparently, it was a Grindr hookup that got complicated when feelings started to develop. Literally, the start of every gay romance now. This guy is actually crazy. He would “accidentally” make a face call just to see through my camera for a second to make sure that I was not with Michael. I don’t talk to Michael. Vin made it a point to tell me that he asked Michael about me and Michael said that I was no one. He also works at the Marshall’s that I shop at frequently. He always looks like he just saw a ghost whenever he sees me. I literally want to apply there but I don’t want him to die of shock… or do I?

Anyways, I’m sure Kyle and I could have a quaint time at this social tonight. Last time I was just kind of alone while he talked with his circle of friends. A group of white heteros that I had nothing in common with. It was like I was trapped in one of those commercials where all of the white people are acting all cute about double-dipping. He just randomly promised me that it will be a better group of people this time. I don’t know what that means. I’m sure that I’ll find out. Anything but university students should be bearable. I hate being in a room where everybody is competing to prove that they are the smartest person there. *You have been in University for almost a decade, you know more than me. Good for you… * Wow, maybe I really am a snob.

Anyways, I have a zit on my face and I’m not feeling too happy about it. I was supposed to look so good at the wedding tomorrow that it was going to be damn near criminal. Now my zit is going to be starring in all of the pictures at the wedding tomorrow. Maybe I could win Best-Supporting Actress to a zit in a gay drama? I don’t know how I feel about Ashley’s friends. They’re actually snobs. Snobby lesbians. It takes a lot of effort to get them to like me and there is always so much drama around her friends and gossip and I can’t even stomach it. Someone will leave the room, everybody will start saying something mean and then I’m supposed to act like I don’t feel bad for them when they return? What happens when I leave the room? Guaranteed Ashley has already told everybody that I tried to get out of her wedding because I’m unemployed and that she had to call me to tell me that I don’t have to worry about the money. It wasn’t about money, I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to go lol.

I’ve been seeing all of the signs that something is going to manifest and I know that it isn’t going to happen if I stay home so I should probably get out there and force myself to have a good time. Maybe I’ll make a friend? Steal groomsman? I’m trying to reinvent myself after all so this is an opportunity to be more confident and humble around people… and less “snobby”? I’ll be walking into the room zit first so… ugh.

Literally I can feel my body metabolizing itself, I need to go eat and I need to stop abusing Prosebox with my entries!

Last updated October 04, 2019