My Almost Death anni in Aftermath

September 29th 2017 I was almost killed by my ex of 2 years. I met him in college years before. He physically assaulted me and I left immediately.
I graudated almost failed from his harassing and no supprt from the school that knew what he did. They almost failed me.

Anyways. I graduated and for 5 years i had NOTHING to do with him.

Than. I moved right beside him by accident. For 6 months he stalked me harassed me. I had no one to turn to.

In sucession i lost my job, family issues and had no good friends. I went back to him. It was like no time had passed. The good and bad were still so real. I knew he was violent I knew he could hurt me again but I had no one else.
I loved him. I cared about him. We were going to get engaged. Adopt a child. But i was also trapped. Felt helpless terrified of him. Hed hurt me on the street and no one would really do anything, nothing that really helped me or made him stop.

The cycle of abuse started again. The abuse became worse. He said if I ever leave him he will kill me. I called the police they told me people who say they will kill someone usually don’t. I resigned myself to being tortured by him. I wanted to die eventually and tried to kill myself. Suicide by cop. I tried my best to leave but no one would help me. I did everything and talked to everyone I could about what he was doing to me. I wasnt taken seriously. I started to believe and had to believe that it wasnt that bad to survive.

I was finally able to move away. I stayed away from him for a bit but moving to a new area with no friends and alot of adjustments i was lonely. The years of abuse forced to live near him stolkholm syndromed me. I went back. I thought since we didnt live on thr same street anymore that the abuse would stop or at least me something workable id have more power and control. At first I did, he gave me the power and control to leave his place when I wanted to etc…

Than one day. He tried to kill me. It was a beautiful September day. Everything was perfect. Until it wasnt. That night he head butted me and punched me in the face. I was so drunk and tired i didnt fully process it and wasnt able to leave I fell asleep.

I confronted him the next day so casually. He didnt admit nothing. We moved on and things were ok. We had a small small fight me barely raising my voice at all. No swearing no screaming nothing.

Than he pretended to playfully pick me up and he dropped me broke my arm, at first i thought it was an accident. I told him to call 911 as I was in pain. Than from the shock of the drop and the extreme pain i felt nauseous, knowing he would hit me or hurt me for any little accident I told him I was going to throw up and for him to get away from me, he didnt. I threw up everywhere exorcism style. All over him the walls everywhere. He flipped the fuck out, grabbed me to my feet and slammed me against the wall on my broken arm. Than dragged me into the washroom with a large chef knife and threatened to stab me if I didn’t clean myself up.

It took me twice to escape. But I did.

I almost died. That morning was a horror movie for me. There was no peace for me at the fact that I was going to die. I called the police on him again. This time they did more…finally.

He got arrested charged three times. Assault, assault with a weapon and uttering threats pf bodily harm. A year of tumultous court proceedings where he would show up late and piss drunk and court dates would be rescheduled so HE could rest and sober up, all charges were dropped and I had a one year peace bond that is expiring in November.

I am scared i will run into him and he will try to kill me. He carries a knife on him.

I am not scared he is stalking me, but more so that he is an opportunity abuser killer type.

All I have is my poetry. My words. So here is this day.

THE PERFECT STORM
The booze the weather
Your anger
The distance
My emptiness
Your neck cut.
My heart broken.
The compliments.
Our whole relationship in 2 days.
It was all going to end.
By your hand.
When i drew the line in the sand.
The fight.
The ” fall. “
Pain.
Broken bone.
The throw.
The pain.
Threw up.
Screaming.
Rage.
Shove.
Bathroom.
Tried to escape.
No love.
The knife.
The threats.
Get up.
Played it cool.
My Hands were up.
I ran.
I hear you behind me.
The knife.
The staircase.
Fresh air.
Down our street.
Help.
Police.
Your cuffed.
The ambulance.
I cry.
Why?

Edited S