Light It in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

I have to say… I’m surprised (and thankful) how (so far at least) nobody has blasted me as a Cheating, Sleazy, Slime-ball, Scumbag, Asshole for my admission yesterday. And instead, have been met with advice, tips, and sympathy as to how the online dating world is a monster. I don’t know if that is because folks are thinking “what’s the use in being mad” or if it is because folks are thinking “it’s past time for you to venture out”. Either way, I’m thankful that I haven’t gotten any really nasty notes about that yet.

My morning… strange-ish.
Woke up and had the urge to take my wife. Just… beautiful mostly naked thing next to me in bed and… how I wish I could actually have a goddamned sexual relationship with my wife. Waking up, wanting that deep in your heart, and immediately realizing (again) that she really doesn’t seem to want love or sex and… it’s a hell of a way to start the day.
Then at work.
Literally, before my butt could hit chair, my Victim Witness Coordinator needed to speak with me. Allow me to paint a small vague picture:
- Defendant is arrested for hitting his girlfriend. At arrest, he is clearly drunk. Magistrate releases him without bond money but DOES put a No Contact Order in place. Defendant immediately goes to his girlfriend’s place, drunk. He is arrested again. Magistrate releases him without bond money but DOES remind Defendant that there is a No Contact Order. Defendant immediately goes to his girlfriend’s place, drunk, and breaks into her house. He is arrested again. He is transferred to a different jurisdiction to do a small jail sentence for unrelated crimes. He is released. He returns to the girlfriend’s place, drunk. He is arrested and held in jail with a high enough bond that he can’t get out. The State (me) demands that the judge order a Substance Abuse Evaluation. Evaluation comes back with “Manageable Problem requiring light Outpatient Treatment.” STUPID but that’s the recommendation. Defendant has been in jail for about a month. 30 days is the longest sentence that may be imposed for any of his crimes. I could run them consecutively and keep him in jail but… I figure these last 3 weeks is probably the longest he’s remained sober in his entire life. I’ll run them concurrently so he can start Outpatient Treatment and get his life in order. WRONG! LAST NIGHT (so within 12 hours of being released from a month in jail)… he goes to the Girlfriend’s place and damages her property. When he is arrested he is clearly drunk with a BAC over 0.3. STUPID MOTHER FUCKER! Fine. You want to throw your life away, harass one of the only people that helped you, and violate court orders? 6 months. That’s what you owe me now. Six months. Because you are not going to just… keep this shit up.
After that:
A juvenile offender who was so violent we had to charge him as an adult. I gave him a break. He’s a kid. If we get him hooked up with the right services, he can get his education straightened out and make something of himself before it is too late. AGAIN my kindness treated shamefully. His probation started less than a month ago. He has already violated it by underage drinking, theft, and interfering with a police investigation. GREAT JOB KID! Glad my “this is your last chance” was just a fucking joke to you! Back in prison with your juvenile ass, this time ADULT prison!!
After that:
Depositions again. Trying to figure out Hillbilly Gypsies. Fighting, drinking, swapping wives, traumatizing our children, and acting like the only law we have to follow is our own! The hell do you mean we don’t get to do that; this is our land and our country. Fuck you and the police. Grrrreeeeaaaaaaaaat. Always glad to see the very bottom of the barrel. And I’m always thrilled to know that between you and your brood, you make a significant percentage of your town’s population.
After that:
A request from DHS to file for a placement hearing on a teen-child. Why? WELL… his adoptive parents got sick of him and don’t want to take care of him anymore.

And you folks wonder why I see my community as a cesspool abyss of terrible people. Which is funny because… still a better job/community than Tiny Town!

But certainly frustrating. More proof that an individual therapist would be good for me. Help me pop my head above water now and again… try to see that the world is worth fighting for.
Angel Season 4:
Nothing in the world is the way it oughta be. It’s harsh…and cruel…but that’s why there’s us…champions. It doesn’t matter where we come from, what we’ve done, or suffered. Or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be.

RANDOM FUNNY THINGS NOW: