It's been amazing really (kinda long) in Second 1st

I thought I’d do this on my phone as I am going to bed soon. … like real soon… but it’s been a really good 24 hrs....

On the way out yesterday Rocky glanced to the side and saw a riding lawn mower with a box on it. From the distance we were we couldn’t read it so I said “This squares off, just drive over there” Sure enough it said FREE! so I had him knock on the door to see if they could tell him what was wrong with it. She said it won’t turn over.... which was what was wrong with ours before Todd fixed in Monday. So.... Rocky came home, got Eddie and the van and .... they loaded it up and drove it home. So … to round out the subject Rocky got it running while I was chatting with Destiny today. So literally we got a free riding lawn mower. Probably worth a good 1200. Having talked to Todd these last few weeks I’d really like to gift our mower to him and keep the one we got (as it is newer). For sure pass the blessing on, he’s got 4 push mowers and only one works.... also his son is really talking about doing this as a serious summer job so a riding mower would really set him up. With 10 kids and not being rich myself.... it’s a nice hand up.

On to the next subject. Not Holly was my therapist today.... lol she has a name Kate… but not Holly. This was the last visit before the next assessment by Long Term Disability on the 10th… I don’t see the Dr. again.... well I have no appointments so the therapists assessment is what will determine if I can go back. Holly hadn’t sent the message about how she would like me to see someone about vestibular migraines specifically. Today we stopped by the Dr’s office before going to therapy to find out the status of a message from Holly.... The receptionist gave me a name of someone I want to see and suggested I send a message myself.

I talked to Kate about the whole thing when we talked to her.... among other things. At the end Rocky made me confront feelings I have about things they have said (Kate and Holly). What they say and what I hear are not the same. What I hear is “get used to it” and “your anxiety is making it worse, calm down”.... after she talked to me for a moment about the feelings directly.... basically I can’t do anything about it except just keep doing things.....

Yesterday I hit 7,000 something steps....today 10103 so far.... so I”m doing MORE.... moving MORE.... being as day one of tracking was 3,400.... I don’t feel anymore safe or less dizzy but.... keep doing…

Kate sent me home with more work and said I could probably work for an hour or so but not the 12 hr shift I’m scheduled for.

Then there is Destiny.... There has been so much bad with her… and tonight will be the best night of sleep for her that she has ever had when dealing with court. She has court in the morning. She’s been fighting so hard for the ability to see her middle child. Reasons aside for why she doesn’t have her.... it’s a bit of a story. There was a court order to reestablish a relationship with her child. The plan was that, through a unbiased therapist of the judges choosing … The guardians, Gabby, and Destiny would meet with the therapist twice each before a meeting of Destiny and Gabby.

She has the most beautiful piece of paper backing her this time. First, it says that Destiny had at this point seen the therapist 5 times and that the guardians have canceled 3 appointments for Gabby.... 3! There are 3 points about conversations between the therapist and Destiny. Two of those 3 points Destiny talks about her concerns for Gabby. How Gabby might react to her and how she can help Gabby.... mind you Gabby’s mental health being her #1 concern.... the third point was that Destiny did express resentment towards the guardians but understood that had nothing to do with Gabby nor Gabby with the situation and it should be set aside for Gabby’s benefit. All very good....

The section for the guardians had several points.... all of which were oriented around them and how they feel… one admitting that they had denied Destiny visits based on something they had done illegally. (Recording a visit with Destiny when Gabby was 5, which Destiny went to the cops about and male guardian was arrested and pleaded no contest to charges) .... Destiny had done nothing wrong. When Destiny had not had a lawyer the judge had sided with the guardians in that situation.... now the therapist has drawn it out of them that they were lying. It was not Destiny who stopped trying to see her daughter but them who was keeping her away.

Lastly, on this document where the therapist talked to Gabby. Gabby expressed concern that her parents would be mad because she wanted to meet her mom. That they didn’t want her to. They “feared for her life if I meet my mom” .... The therapist told her that she would only need to think about little things. What she would like to call her, where she would want to sit when they meet, nothing to big for a 14yr old. .... then the therapist asked “Where do you think you’d like to sit?” “I would want to sit right next to her because that’s the best way to get to know someone”..... this coming from someone who supposedly fears Destiny. When asked how she felt about the meeting she said “I don’t know, I guess I’m scare because of what mom and dad tell me could happen”....

This is the best night before a court date ever because I’m not talking Destiny out of “she doesn’t want to meet you” and it’s so obvious they are filling poor Gabby’s head with lies. “I’m scared”..... she’s scared because they tell her to be scared. .... but she will sit next to Destiny because it’s the best way to get to know her!.... that doesn’t say scared.... the fear she speaks of is not a feeling she actually has.... it’s been fed to her!.... I’ve been saying this before court almost every time. Reassuring Destiny that this whole thing is to show Gabby she never stopped trying. That no matter if she gets visitation in the end Gabby would know that she wanted to.... but this… this paper....

Court tomorrow .... where the paper of gold shows.... Destiny has jumped through every hoop and the guardians are fighting it the whole way.

When all is said and done and Destiny and Gabs are sitting in the living room playing cards or talking and Gabby says “I miss mom and dad” Destiny is going to tell her “give them a call and we can schedule a visit” because she is not them. She is not going to do things that may hurt Gabby based on her feelings about the guardians. I can’t wait to hear about court tomorrow.

Destiny said the one thing she can’t wait to be able to say..... background: after specifically telling Destiny “no support” and denying visitation they went after her for child support she had not paid.... Destiny went to jail and had to bail out and then had to go back to work to pay the back child support. After she paid up she started raising money for the lawyer.

Destiny to Guardians : “Sending me to jail was what made it possible to get a lawyer. You are the reason I am able to see her. Remember that”..... eventually Destiny will have her back home, with Gabby’s best interest at heart.... as it has always been. It tore her up so hard when she was told “Gabby doesn’t want to see you” and as I told her.... until you hear in from her own mouth don’t believe a word of it. ....

It’s been a very good day.