I'm sick of crying in In My World

Depressed means panic mode comes out a lot more. Panic mode means a lot more angry “attitude” moments.

Everyone is going to start hating me but I swear I’m doing my best.

I cried for over two hours yesterday and got into a massive argument with my grandmother. We talked it out immediately after but still.

Sometimes it’s like I hear what I’m going to say before I say it but I can’t stop it. I never wanted to be this way.

I feel so unwanted and useless and broken. “No one cares about me. Why would they? I’m not worth it. Nobody wants me around. Nobody wants me at all.” And it’s a constant spiral.

I thought after all that crying and shit I did yesterday I’d be past it. Instead I’m trying so fucking hard not to break all over again.

I can feel everyone wanting to leave and maybe they should. I’m awful to be around.

No one wants to be around someone who’s depressed all the time and I don’t blame them.

Im forever the optimist but I had to get this off my chest.

What a fucked up way to welcome in 25.

Edit: reading back this all sounds like woe-is-me-bullshit a 14 year old would have written. I wish I could say it wasn’t but no one wants me to “get over it” more than I do.

Last updated August 27, 2019