Sick Of It, Over It in meh...

My father is a minister. He’s an overseer of a few churches, bishops. He has an organization.
Every year, they have a conference. When you do things like this, it requires work. REAL. Work. Lots of behind the scenes stuff, you know?

There are workshops during the day and speakers each night. The overarching theme is about kingdom building and moving forward.

So back to the moving parts…

There are people with “titles” and “positions” and they don’t want to play the role. Even my brother sometimes doesn’t want to do his part. I’m with one of my sister’s who says we, the children, need to step up.

For the most part, I’ve been trying to stay neutral. I’ve not been wanting to, for lack of a better term, pick a side. We are all family. However, petty differences within the family, within the church, is ridiculous. Everyone is worried about each other when we need to be God centered and have vertical thinking. My brother says that a lot. I understand, especially more so because of something I was listening to yesterday. It was an on time word.

Okay, that was an aside…I’m sorry. It’s so much to detail and since I’ve not been writing, it’s…ugh…You know how it is.

So, moving parts=my aunt who is SUPPOSED to be the Praise and Worship leader over the whole organization, YET…from what I’ve been told, every conference, she doesn’t want to participate. She doesn’t want to take a lead to organizing ANYTHING dealing with Praise and Worship. I got a taste of that for the past 2 nights.

Night 1
I was greeted by the man who coached me into my solo. He asked me if I was on the praise team. I said sometimes, which is partially true. I’m always doing praise team on Sundays. Anyway, there was no game plan. Everything is minute to minute and disorganized and I don’t like it at all. So he came into the sanctuary, where my aunt was just sitting and chilling like she’s not supposed to be in charge of something. So when it was time to start, she decided that she was asked to sing and said okay. I grabbed another mic and then one other person came in later and helped as well. So as a soprano you would think she’d do the soprano parts. No. She wasn’t. She was singing alto parts and I got pissed because I can do only so many soprano parts. I’m alto borderline tenor. So we got through that a little bit.

Night 2

Since she (aunt) wanted to be like that, one of the groups from one of the other churches did praise and worship. I was nervous because, I’m not a leader. In this thing it’s not about me, but I don’t lead songs like that and ad lib. I’ve not flexed my wings in that arena so I was nervous. Then my sister said that the one group was going to do it. When they were ready, I just handed everyone microphones and turned them on. I did not give them a chance to ask for her help. After that, she (aunt) lead our music like during regular service. I handed someone else a microphone to help out on one of the last songs as the bishops and ministers were coming in. The person that I handed the microphone to, she got one of the phrases wrong in a song and my aunt kind of sang angrily at her, “FEEL LIKE SHOOOUUTING!” I peeped it and was like, whoa…

Then after the service, my little sister asked me who was doing Praise and Worship for tonight. I didn’t hear what she said, and when I got it, I said, Oh. I don’t know. Then aunt walked by and threw her hand in the a back type motion and with some venom, “YOU do it.” My sister and I looked at each other like, WTF was that?

This aunt has been ground zero in a smear campaign against my dad. My full blooded brother (same mom and dad) has bought into that mess. My father’s sisters (save the baby sister) are all messes. I think I noted that my deceased uncle’s son pulled my dad to the side at a party and told him EVERYTHING they have said about him. From my full blooded brother, I have gathered the parts of what they say about my siblings. It’s all lies and foolishness.

After last night, I can no longer be neutral. I just want to scream and ask her what is her problem. Like bottom line, what will it take for her to stop the attitude, the shenanigans, ALL of that.

I feel some kind of way because I feel like I’ve stepped on toes by helping out in any kind of way. Either that, or I’m now seeing all the stuff my siblings have put up with and are putting up with. I’m afraid to talk to anyone about what I think and how I feel and it’s also like everyone is just pleased as punch to keep holding grudges and letting things fester and I don’t know why.

Mix this in with my daughter’s dramatic ass and the bullshit she puts herself through and I’ve been coming home to her looking all crazy and shit, I’m good on ALL of it.

I’m so OVER this…

But not you all. I’m definitely not sick or over you all.

Kindest regards,
Sister