CS, loneliness. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s been a really long minute since I’ve written. I’m just so busy taking care of my little one, working, and keeping the house clean. My situation hasn’t changed. I haven’t received CS again in quite some time. He told my friend he’s working a temp job to make a grip of cash so he can leave the state, I’m assuming to keep running from paying. I’m very angry that he isn’t willing to do anything positive for his child at all. I’m still single Mom, lonely as can be and just stay on the grind.

I really don’t know what to say, honestly. I just do the same thing every day, every week. Try to get enough sleep and keep my sanity and mental health where it should be. I still don’t have any friends, people I can open up to that would give a damn. I work and just worry about my child. I haven’t been in a bar in a year and a half. My family still isn’t really around. I haven’t heard from my Mother in about 4 months again. My brother and his family came around for my daughter’s birthday about a month ago and haven’t heard from them. Anytime I’ve mentioned them maybe being around more or even watching my kid, they completely vanish.

I feel about as trapped as a person can be. The loneliness is eating me alive. My anxiety is absolutely torture. I keep going for my daughter but sometimes, I just cry to relieve myself of my pain. I am seriously so done with everything. I wish I could just stay home with my kid and never leave my house unless it’s for food or taking my daughter to do stuff.

Anyways, it’s bedtime.