Power Down in Current Events

Lately, I have been getting so frustrated with my body. My knee started to hurt when I went for a run earlier… joint pain? Like, really?! I really am 49 in gay years. I don’t think I can keep up with my bodies appetite either! I am so tired of being hungry. Like, hands shaking and feeling woozy every couple of hours kind of hungry. It was already bad enough before I started a fitness journey. Now it is insatiable. I void my bladder more than anybody else on the planet! Probably about two litres a day! If I die and they source my body for organs I feel sorry for anybody that gets stuck with my kidneys. I am so over this! Also! I am so tired of feeling distended and bloated! Like, I had to google how to tell if I was getting fat or if I was just getting bloated. I have not had energy all week! None. I can’t cope with how fatigued I am. I can barely bring myself to cook or do anything. Like, frig. I think it is just my mind that is tired. I can tell that my body just wants to crash down for a few hours. I didn’t even bring myself to visit my grandmother in the hospital today. She is actually going to be there for a couple of days. I’ll visit her tomorrow before everybody comes over my nieces birthday. I just don’t have any energy today. I had some for a moment earlier and I wasted it on trying to go for a run. Then I jacked up my knee.

I won’t even start with the things that I hate about my body on the outside. Like, fuck this too bloated to have abs no fitness knowledge bullshit.

I’m a little hangry and frustrated with everything and I accidentally caused some tension between my sister and I that was not necessary. She is not good with tension or confrontation and so she almost burned the house down while trying to cook supper. Clearly, I got her trying to figure out why I seem upset. I just really need to shut down and play dead for a few hours…