There are no words... in A day in the life...

...to describe how I'm feeling lately. I was in Indiana last week visiting my mom, who was visiting from Arizona. Despite the fact that mom and I had a couple of small squabbles (and they really were small ones), it was a wonderful visit. I got to see mom, both my grandmas, aunts, uncles, cousins, and my friend Mary, who I've known since 4th grade.

Mary, Mary, Mary....-sigh- I love her to death, but sometimes I just want to grab her and shake her. She's still doing meth "every now and then." I know she's not doing it much because she's gained weight (which she desperately needed), and she doesn't have meth mouth. And she told me she doesn't buy it, the only time she does it is if she's around someone who has it who, out of the goodness of their heart (sarcasm intended) decides to share with her. So I asked her, then why do it at all?? I just don't understand. I know she's had a very, very rough life....believe me, I know about all of it and was even there to witness quite a bit of it. And I hate that there was nothing I could do to make things better for her. All I could do was just be there for her, which I always was and always will be. But I wish there was something I could do or say that would convince her to give up the drugs for good....forever. Every time I visit Indiana and see her, she always cries when I leave....and it breaks my heart. And it makes me wonder, if I were there more, could I help her change some things in her life? But, she's a big girl, and she's not stupid, so she has to make these decisions on her own. Like I said, all I can do is be there for her, and she knows I am.

While I was in Indiana I slept great every night, got up early every morning and had breakfast and coffee with mom and granny and sat and talked for a couple of hours, and then we'd get ready and do whatever was planned for the day. Since I've been home, all I want to do is sleep. I guess I'm in a bit of a depression since I left. It happens every time I leave. I miss my family down there SO MUCH! And both my grandmothers are getting older, so every time I leave I'm afraid it'll be the last time I see them alive.

My husband and I talked at least twice a day while I was there. One day he called with an interesting offer. After he's done with the job at the Ford plant he's doing right now, he's being sent to a job at the GM plant in Romulus, Michigan (which is about 15 minutes away from where we live). His boss called him and asked if I would be interested in doing the admin work at the Romulus job. How cool is that? Tony and I would ride to work together every day and then go to the gym after work. The job would start in April, but hopefully not until the middle of April because my son took leave for the first 11 days in April and is expecting me to come visit....and I REALLY want to! I don't want to disappoint him, and it'd be nice to spend some one-on-one time with him. I mean, yes, his wife (Mia) will also be there, but I know Josh and I could still get some alone time. And it'll be great to spend time with both of them together as well....maybe bond a little more with Mia.

Still nothing to report regarding the lawsuit. Lord, but I want this thing over with....ASAP.

I missed my therapy appointment last week because I was out of town, so I'm glad I'm seeing both my shrink and my therapist this week. Hopefully that'll pull me out of this funk. That and getting back on my regular routine, which includes the gym. I didn't work out once while I was out of town, which isn't unusual...I was so busy visiting everyone. And I still lost 2 pounds! LOL! But the working out is good for me mentally, so after hubby gets off work today he's going to pick me up and off we'll go. I'm glad he makes me go when I don't feel like it. It tells me how much he cares about me and loves me and wants the best for me. I don't feel like I deserve it at all. Sometimes I sit and look at him and think, why do you even bother with me?

I'm going to straighten up the kitchen and finish watching General Hospital, then get dressed for the gym. I hope you're all having a fab day! xoxo