Breaking Down in Friends With the Benedicts

I just have had so much to write about over the course of whenever the last time I wrote was. I know this place is not evil, it is just a website. It actually only exists to give people like us, the OD refugees and I guess probably some new people, the chance to write. I feel bad for not liking it. I feel bad for just biding my time and waiting and putting all my faith into what EWS is working on. Does that make me a horrible person? Does that make me ungrateful? I'd like to think no. I have tried to like it here. Because I miss this so badly. I never knew how much I would. That I miss OD is a given, but I miss this, writing and having feedback and a sense that someone, people, out there know what is really going on. FB statuses are not enough. When I can't sleep or am really bored, I would usually have perused old entries, taking advantage of the "random entry in this diary" feature I had come to love. And wherever I landed, on whatever time period, that's where I would start reading from. It was cathartic to look back. It helped my memory, it confirmed or debunked memories I had of certain events. It put dates to events that I otherwise would have had to guess at. You have no idea how my diary was even helpful over the course of me applying for disability. Maybe I would not have been approved quite so quickly if I had not been able to reference my "log" of events. I knew what dates hospital stays were on and when I got out. It was invaluable information. Well, I hope to build it up again someday. Where it will be, is anybody's guess.

So March is National Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month. I have changed my FB profile pic accordingly, and may do so here as well. I wish we could customize our diaries a little, at least in color. Hell, I haven't been to that section of this site in so long, it may just be that way now for all I know! The official support color is orange, which I hate, but also royal blue is coupled with it sometimes. Oddly enough, orange and blue were the colors of my High School. lol. Go Gators! ;)

I found out that Amy Lee and I have a very distant relative in common, Robert E Lee. She is much less distant from him as you can tell by the last name, but I definitely remember my aunt Martha telling me she had traced our family back to him while doing her genealogy. She did it old school - library and microfische machines with old newspapers, basically the hard way before internet was that big. It was always fun to go with her to the library. So... about Amy... maybe that is why whenever I go there in my mind to try and see her sexually I stop short and think, "No! This is not right!". LOL... or maybe it is because I have her on too high of a pedestal and just can't see her that way. Either way... it sucks. LOL! I wouldn't have it any other way tho. <3

Since I joined Lumosity last year, my "BPI", or, "Brain Performance Index", has steadily risen, and it is becoming noticeable to both me and the wife. My memory has improved and I think I am more clear headed a little. I started out at around 216 and have gone up from there since November to now 386. That is amazing to me. If it were only numbers, it would be OK, but the fact that I can see myself changing and remembering little things and then stopping to catch myself remembering them is awesome. There might be hope for me yet!

Baxter is growing by leaps and bounds. He has such an attitude for a 9 week old kitten and sooo independent! It makes me sad. He has always done things his way, and his way was always ahead of schedule. I mean, come on, he weaned himself at 4-5 weeks! Who does that?! Since then he has amazed us by litter training himself, and then finally taking himself OFF of kitten food and learning to climb up on the "big kids" table to eat big boy food with them! My baby is making himself grow up! :( I am just hoping he will come back around to realize that while the big kids may make awesome friends and playmates, human love is OK too!

I have GOT to get something done with my hair. Ever since it started growing back in and getting longer, I have noticed it is not the same. It is thicker, has a different texture, and just... not me. Then again, what is anymore? lol. I am totally not the same person I was a year and ½ ago. I had a really sad moment a while back when a girl I have known since I was little and grew up with, told me that I am not the same person I used to be. It wasn't meant to be a bad comment like she was mad at me or anything, just more of an onservation. I told her she has no idea. "You're not the same Steph you once were." Yea... I know.

Laura's Bday is also this month, on the 22nd and we were planning to see Cirque Du Soleil in their new show Varekai. They are coming here from the 19th - 23rd, so it would have been perfect and Laura has always wanted to see them. We recently had to upgrade our internet equipment with Cox and ended up purchasing a new router which went on our bill. Last month due to tight finances we also had to make a payment arrangement and float the $180 bill to this month. All this on top of the upgrades and I just paid a $405 bill to them when we were paid a few hours ago. So... no Soleil. :( I said maybe we can go see a movie instead. She needs a new controller - yes, already, and we are NOT happy about that seeing as how her current one was bought not even 4 months ago. Yes we will be seeing what sort of help Walmart or Sony can be in this. We do not have the receipt as we did site-to-store on Walmart.com, but they should have an electronic version of it still. Not gonna let it go!

Sam, the cat we rescued from being sent to the pound, finally got a new home. She is doing very well and we are FB friends with the girl who took her. She is making friends with the girl's other cat, Harley and has a new name, Hanna. :)

Well, I am spent. I think I got it out of my system for a while so who knows when I will write again so yall take care! Hope everyone is doing well and I love yall very much! If anyone wants to friend me on FB, my email on there is "stepnfamfb@yahoo". Bye!

<3