Resting In His Arms in Meeting Mr. Jesus Christ

The emotional changes I have been experiencing the past week are nothing less than supernatural. There is not one thing I have done or tried to cause to make knowing, accepting and preparing for life with end stage hepatitis be okay, yet it is. Because this was a medical issue in the forefront of my life twenty years ago, the initial shock isn't here this time. The fear factor is way lower because I already know all the gory details if the treatment only ends up being the Interferon and drugs. I know the information if I need a transplant, but so far it is only information. There are still a good dozen tests to complete before it will be decided if I'll need and can tolerate and survive transplant I'm not spending any emotional energy there. I just keep it stored in the front of my mind that my future is presently slated as a transplant. It is an odd sense to understand a poke in the arm and a printout on paper can determine the course of life.

When I came to the Lord my life was changed 180 degrees. Mind you I had days were I fell, hard, and became for a time part of the person I once had been. This week I've experienced another change, probably the very change I have needed all along to make my walk with Jesus a relationship that I am committed to full time. I still tend to go to Jesus only with my troubles. For months I have made concerted effort to be fully in Christ, in all things. I do okay, when I'm connected I am completely His. But then I have so much of myself I just don't give to him. I call myself being lazy. None the less, there is another change, I suppose we all go through over time if we are growing. I'm feeling another complete change, like I am again anew in Christ.

New is the draw on my soul to the love and compassion of Christ. In a way it isn't new. I was here before, for a long time, just not as much for myself. I was full of all the giving love of God toward others, it was wonderful. But eventually others weren't around any longer and the only place I had to apply Jesus' love was myself. I was too far gone into bipolar insanity for several months to love myself in anyway. I just clung to Jesus and as I got well I collapsed in His promising arms, beginning to let him love me and heal me. I spent weeks carried in His arms.

Tonight I understand those dark days last and early this year, when I could do no more than curl into a ball and cry, and know that Jesus would get me through the difficult trial I was living were teaching me. I found a comfort zone and even though I am well mentally, I never walked away from Jesus' precious, gentle hold. It is His touch that has been giving me peace as I have come into this new beginning.

Before me is a rare glimpse at a tree that has grown. There are mighty roots where before the roots were young and thin, deep and searching. This is a tree, no longer a sprout. My day progresses and most every thought involves how God would view my choices and actions. I know He wants the best for me, even when the best might not seem very pretty, I know He has something mighty in store for me, be it here or when I am home with Him. A most powerful peace came and has stayed with me, and I feel whatever it is God has planned for me I am prepared for right now.

Because I want to stay on the positives here I'm closing. I'll write concerning my son another time.