Letter to Esty in ❅journal 2019❅

I’m sorry you feel like I treated you like shit, that was never my intention. I’m so sorry for what happened and the way I reacted. I should’ve spoken up when I was uncomfortable and not played along. I don’t want you to think ill of me because of all this, I have never been the most mentally stable person. This has grown to effect the way I see sex and physical pleasure.

I’m sorry. I should’ve been smarter, I was never mad or blamed you for the panic attack. Even though I was scared at the time now I’m calmer and I know i shouldn’t be mad at you. I needed to explain more about how badly I was scared about those things and my own body. It still scares me and makes me feel dirty. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. I’m gonna push this far into my mind, as you seemed to really care about me, I’m sorry. I was really happy when you dmed me since I always saw you as a friend. I hope you can forgive me for this, if you don’t I’m fine with it.