7. 2 months later... in A TIRED MARRIED MAN

Well it’s been 2 months sense i wrote anything in here on my changes. The foster kids are all gone, and after that happened, my wife couldn’t handle just taking care of our two kids and herself, it wasn’t enough for her and it wasn’t chaotic enough for her, so she ended up leaving about a month ago to be with her parents on the opposite end of the USA from me, and has both our kids too. I went with her to drop them off, but had to come back because of my job. It started out as a simple “They’ll be there for a week or so” to “maybe they’ll be there for the summer” to “I’ll come home with the kids if you sign a document saying that if our marriage doesn’t get better and we decide to split, that i can take both kids back here with my family and you won’t intervene”.. Soooo you can see that it escalates pretty quick there. To put it frank, I’m not signing anything like that, i love my kids too and to just give them up because we’re not doing well, is just dumb. I’m a good dad, and I have a full time job, I have a big family, I have everything here in the area for them to grow up healthy and happy, so i’m not just going to roll over and give her everything if we don’t work out.
Anyway, they’ve been gone now for about a month, we are talking more on the phone and getting our emotions in check with each other and expectations back on track. I have some home projects that i’m knocking out, bills i’m paying, errands i’m running during the day (my sleeping time, as i’m on nights now). Plus i’m playing a fair amount of awesome video games to pass my time when i’m not up for doing physical work, as i feel exhausted most days from being up all night. I also started a Keto diet about 4 days ago, it’s drained me on my energy levels and i’m hoping that goes away soon and that my normal levels of energy come back.
Ok, now to the stuff that nobody knows and why i have a blog in the first place, in the last month of my wife and two little ones being gone, I have literally be so happy, I am free of obligations from anybody! It’s amazing and i’m enjoying everyday, when she calls me, i just frown because i know it’s going to be some 10-45 minute call about emotional shit that i just don’t want to talk about, i want to even have a relationship with somebody that has emotional issues all the time or wants to “fix” things all the time. I just want things to be cool the way they are, to have a life where you do what you want, and help others when you have time, to improve your life when you have time, to just enjoy your time on this Earth everyday, regardless of what it is you do that makes you happy. I really wish one of my kids was here with me, i love both of them but i wouldn’t want to take both from my wife, she really is a good person, she’s just difficult to live with and be around on a daily basis as an adult. It’s literally like living with your Mother all the time or a police officer that never goes off shift, and honestly who wants that? She’s so serious all the time and always wants to address big issues all the time, like she’s some kind of councilor. Lately I think she’s realized this and she’s been toning it down, but who knows if that will last, i hope it does but honestly I’m just ok with us splitting and not worrying about being in a relationship anymore, I would like to just be single and not worry about being with anybody for the rest of my life. I would like to raise my boy and be a single dad, no more criticism from her, no more judgments, no more sloppy house or sloppy room and sloppy living situation, just so much liberation and stress gone from my life. I know she wants to try again with our marriage, i know this is a thing for her and part of me wants to do it, just to salvage what we have, but i’m totally fine if we don’t. I do love her, she’s a great mom to our kids, she’s honest and faithful and trusting, but she’s an emotional woman at times, and I just don’t think i’m cut out for being with anybody in my life right now (adult) that i have to worry about on that level. and with her being my 2nd wife, and me having girlfriends and relationships my whole life from when i was 12, not being single for more than like 2 months in my life, I think I’ve just come to realize that i’m done with this horse and pony show, i’m done doing what the world wants me to do when it comes to having a relationship and having somebody that cares for your and having that other person to talk to.. I honestly never needed it, never really wanted it, i just did it because at some points in my life i wanted to have somebody to be attracted to, and be attracted to me, to have kids with, to laugh and joke with.. but now that that’s all gone and i honestly don’t even care about sex or anything on that level, and friends can handle the rest of what i desire about relationships, plus friends are on MY time, when I want to hang out, and it’s always fun, hang out and do fun shit.. coming home day after day to an emotional wrek or issues i need to solve, or just deep talks about US, every fucking day, is what i’m happy to just say goodbye to, forever. I just want my kids back, I miss the fuck out of them.