Old Paranioa in ❅journal 2019❅

Sorry. Another depressing entry. Thanks for all the nice comments they brighten my day. 💖

I’m crying at the moment and cuddling with one of my plushies. I might as well explain why im crying.

I was thinking about my growing eating and body issues. How sometimes I’ve gone without eating for days. And then i thought about just dying from it and being fine with it.

Almost immediately i thought about what that would do to my friends, especially my ex. I started to just cry and im so mad at myself for just thinking that.

It then morphed into me thinking about how’d I’d feel if my best friend where to die and i started to cry harder. My bff is suicidal and has threatened suicide multiple times so him dying is one of my biggest fears. It terrifies me.