evan news. and my mom knows. in 2007: March 1: transferred fom FOD

no i don’t have any actually. er any evan news that is. so my mom knows. no i.........i mean. she knows that i’ve smoked pot. i told her last wk. via my notes. and she asked if i’ve smoked since i’ve been living w/ the lady. ‘the lady’ being the lady i currently live w/. and i told her my mom ‘no’. which well............not. not at where i live no. not in. the house i live at which again isn’t technically. actually ‘my’ house. so i mean. i’m not being dishonest. but i have smoked pot when i’ve visited my mom’s the last time was um. like a yr. ago maybe? i think? yeah cause i found pot one time and smoked it. and then i think the time before that which was 2 summers ago. well i was by my park.............this 20 yr. old lady came up to me and went ‘do you smoke pot?’ and the conversation ended w/ ‘here. enjoy it’. like i don’t buy pot cause well. pot’s expensive so. my mom doesn’t know this. um but one of these days i will. buy my own pot.
um but. what all this has to do w/ evan is.............that my mom & i got to talking and the only thing she said was ‘oh you smoked w/ that guy you were living w/!’ god calm down. she tends. to get a bit dramatic about things. i paraphrase. here. and 2. no i wasn’t living w/ evan. no one was living w/ anyone bc. apparently in order for one person to be able to live w/ another. um. they need to actually have signed a lease. or a mortgage, or something. put both names on the lease/mortgage. so. no. he wasn’t living w/ me. and i only know this cause i recently looked it up. being a renter [as in. one who rents. and the reason i use the term ‘renter’ is cause it’s gender neutral. and inclusive] i’d think she’d know this. but. well.
yes evan stayed. w/ me but no he didn’t. live w/ me. and the above is why.
um. but no the reason. i know about pot is bc of my ex he was the one that first introduced me to it. and actually he was in my dream. no i mean evan although my ex also was. no um evan was in a couple dreams. um..............thurs. - fri. and fri. - sat. er um i guess that’s today. actually. no well cause. for me morning starts at 1 a.m. and midnight is the last hr. of night so. 12 p.m. is actually midnight.
so. in the first dream he evan was sad. and i’m watching myself say to him ‘look i can’t help you i’m sorry. i’ve tried but’ i’ve made an effort. and then. well it didn’t change his state of being sad. it didn’t make it worse/better. it stayed the same.
um. and in the second from earlier today. um. ...........well apparently. i’d gone to his apt. complex only. it was blue not green and red like. it is in actuality. er brick i mean. and i for some reason got sad. and upset and disappointed. oh no i remember what it was just didn’t want to state it. i’d left a note under his door. and knocked..............and. ok well. but. i did that and then the dream switched back to before, i’d done that. so. and then this other guy sidetracked me from. finding evan and. telling him about. what decision i’ve made about us. which. i kindof still feel bad about the decision but at the same time. he’s pretty much always let me take the reins in our relationship so. let me take/have control. idinno. just interesting is all.