We talked in ❅journal 2019❅

He contacted on a alt account as i blocked his main one. This is what we talked about....

E:i just wanted to ask why you blocked me on my other account
H: I feel So dirty it hurts
E: but why did you have to block me..
H: I’m scared
It hurts and I want to die and I’m scared
E: but i told u i want to help you
why do you run away from me
H: it’s not helping me it’s hurting me
E: ill stop the dirty stuff
i told u i will stop if u want to
H: I’m scared
E: dont be scared
werent u feeling better recently
H: Not anymore
I feel.sick
I want to die

After this we go back and as he said no one will know and thats why im scared and what i did was okay and im not a whore. Told me to do some deep breaths and that it would be okay and that he wanted to help me. Then he said he liked me and nearly threw up, he said he liked me like that after i did some prying when he said something off. He said it was because i seemed purely happy/lewd DESPITE ME SAYING NUMEROUS TIMES IN THIS CONVO IT SCARED ME AND I WASN’T HAPPY.

I started to beg him to not like me like that he asked if i thought he’d force to do anything and i started apologizing. He then said it wasnt my fault when i said it, i told him to please not like that while he said “im sorry…im weird.” When i said i was going to throw up he started to tell me to calm down. Then he began apologizing more and asked if we wanted to still be friends.

I was already panicking to much to even anwser him so he said sorry again, that he could help me still stop being scared and that he’ll always be there and he hoped i didnt hate him.

I don’t hate him. I hate myself. And ofcourse im running away from him.