psychiatric help, depression, losing control in Misadventures of West Virginia Woman

How does one go about getting psychiatric help without being committed in a psych unit? I dont want to kill myself or harm myself i just need to quit crying over my fathers death. My dad died of a heart attack in December. I have no insurance. Tomorrow i am going to the dhhr to talk to them about signing up. I use this diary for therapy but obviously i need more help.

Today my husband Talan and i used the last bit of money we had to buy groceries. While in Kroger he asked if i wanted cantaloupe or watermelon. It was my dad’s favorite food. I remember him cutting it up and him talking his favorite summer memories. Tears came to my eyes my husband asked if it was about my dad i excused myself and cried in a bathroom. My dad often argued when he was alive but the last 6 month of his life was when he treated me the best. I want my daddy so bad but I cant bring him back.. My mom makes me so sad talking about him so instead of being miserable hanging with her i stay home watching tv shows that make me happy. I know i should hang put with her but i need to fix my mental health first.

Due to me having no job for a month waiting to start at Joanns we got behind on rent, power, and many other bills. Talan talking about selling 2 of his guns to pawn shops for a bit of extra money. I have nothing really to offer. Talan and i will get paid on friday. I feel like such a failure. Irritated that we simply cant afford to get by.

I keep swearing it will get better but it wont. I been trying for months. I might try to get a job working as a cook at Boyscouts for 3 weeks around my Joanns job if they will hire me. This year the international jamboree is taking over maybe i could take advantage.

My husband told me to give up on buying a house that we cant afford it. I dont mind living in a trailer park but i think we deserve better. It wont be anytime in the near future but i need to save money for a small house with property. God give me something no one can take away. I need stability! I am tired paying every month to rent a spot.. why cant i put that on a house payment? I am trying so hard to raise our credit score.

I feel so defenseless so out of control. I debate on going back to school..idk. I just need some control in this sad life.