Starting the Con in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Oooooooooookay beautiful boys and girls. We have returned to the Land Locked State of Iowa and I’m playing a spot of catch up with Work, Prosebox, Grocery Shopping, and Life Not On Vacation, lol. This will be a preamble for the next THREE ENTRIES as I will break them up. They can be found (when complete) as
FINISHING HAWAII
STARTING THE CON
RETURNING TO WORK

ANIME IOWA

Friday came, as it often does after Thursday. Wife, MBFITWW, and I went to Anime Iowa! It was fun! Lots of cosplay on that first day. But more? My friend tries to go to all of the Guest Panels. He doesn’t give a shit about the community panels. As he says, he goes to conventions to support the voice actors because he wants them to know they are appreciated and that Anime would not be what it is without them. The panels put on by local Iowa artisans or cosplay enthusiasts? He doesn’t give a shit. So we make sure to hit EVERY Guest Panel. Which also means I get to hear from a LOT OF ACTORS. And EVERY YEAR it makes me miss acting. Granted, IF doesn’t have a lot of opportunities for that… but it does make me miss acting. This year’s guests?
Lauren Landas

Morgan Berry

Sarah Wiedenheft

Greg Ayres

and J. MICHAEL TATUM

Now, I don’t know if any of those names are familiar to you. If not, look ‘em up if you’re interested. If not, no skin off my nose. But of the things those people have worked on? My Hero Academia, Attack on Titan, Dragon Ball, Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid, Zombieland Saga, Black Butler, Ouran High School Host Club, Stein;s Gate, High School DxD, Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood, Fairy Tail, Date Alive, Yuri on Ice, Space Dandy, and many many more.

Hell, J. Michael Tatum is a GOD in Anime for both his voice acting and his Adaptive Writing. Link to his Filmography.

One of the really cool things about Guest Panels, though, is that inherently all of these people are ACTORS and can give brilliant insight into ACTING. I’ll be straight forward with you. I was an actor for 15 years. My training in acting was that when you got a character, you had to understand that character inside the page and off the page. Meaning: Know what your character eats for breakfast, know what your character’s biggest regret was when they were young, invent the character that you can embody. Tatum gave the exact opposite advice and IT IS SO MUCH BETTER! I mean… I guess that is the difference between growing up in Iowa and learning from the Almost Was and Could Have Been actors who teach here as opposed to learning from an actual successful acting professional! Tatum’s advice was that you can’t and aren’t allowed to invent “the whole character” because you only have the character FOR THE MOMENT. The character is who they are IN THAT MOMENT and you can’t invent a backstory based on the specific circumstances seen. Who you are in a fight with your girlfriend is not who you are in a fight with your parents or a fight with your boss or a fight with your surprise super secret gay lover. So how and why would you review a scene entitled “Fight With Girlfriend” and construct a damned back story? LIVE IN THAT MOMENT AS THE CHARACTER ON THE PAGE. React to the situation organically. Maybe the way you read the lead in line was angry. Friend: “I hate you. Get out of here. Leave” So the way you respond is angry YOU: Fine, I’ll leave. Fetch me my bag! But… what if, despite that being what you thought, the way your colleague does the lead-in line is while he’s laughing… like a joke. You can’t respond to that in Anger, unless your character is some kind of sociopath. You respond to it with a flourish of humor. That’s just… obvious. But if you aren’t IN THE MOMENT and REACTING… you’ll miss that moment. There was lots of advice like that and it was all awesome!

I had decided that as I got signatures, I would ask Tatum to sign my AnimeIowa2019 Badge because of how much I appreciated the acting advice. Ultimately, then and there, I decided to make it a tradition. Either The Most Famous Guest of the Year or The Best Answer of the Year would from thenceforth sign my badge to be collected and added to our signed Convention Memorabilia. After several amazing panels, we quick grabbed dinner at Buzzard Billy’s. Then back to the convention hall! MBFITWW and I played “Name That Tune: Anime Songs” and, as always, he was bloody epic. Seriously. This kid, this Senior Partner in a Law Firm, has more Anime Knowledge than some entire states put together. We didn’t win, but it was less due to knowledge and more due to speed of buzzer. Problem was, Wife REALLY wanted to go to a panel being put on by Tatum and Landas, so she left shortly before MBFITWW and I started winning (then stopped winning). They were putting on a Horror Movie Clip Show (thus why MBFITWW wasn’t as keen) but… you know my Wife. She loves her horror movies! So she actually REALLY enjoyed that Panel and now has a new podcast to listen to… one I even want to listen to. Tatum and fellow Anime Deity Jamie Marchi host a podcast called Ghoul Intentions about hauntings, ghost sightings, and all manner of creepy things. Just the fact that it is Tatum and Marchi makes me want to listen!!

That was it for Friday really. Wife did get some Annie Leonhard Artwork signed by the Guest that Voices her (Lauren Landas) because we decided that would be a nice Con Tradition as well. Get Attack on Titan Artwork signed by their Voice Actor. Since she got Tatum to sign an Erwin picture this same weekend, that means she now has a Mikasa, Annie, and Erwin for her collection.

Another thing:
Hearing from beautiful voice actresses and amazing cosplay models… these extremely sexy, wonderful, beautiful women… how they have learned or grown to absolutely DESPISE their appearance, their faces, their bodies… due to society, or abusive boyfriends, or abusive parents, or traumatic moments. I mean… here’s the thing to ALL WOMEN (no matter what I say after this). ALL women have beauty. For too many, they have decided that they don’t see it and won’t let anyone else see it. But it still lives inside you. For too many, you may be genuinely one of the 30% most attractive women on the planet (don’t poo poo that by saying “not possible” there are over 3 billion women on the planet). You might be. You might be incredibly beautiful… but you don’t feel it… because of your past or your present. I hope you have days where you see it. Where you accidentally catch sight of someone and think, “That woman is beautiful” and then realize that it is you.

Saturday was “early” but not as early as it could have been! Our first panel was at 10:00 and we went pretty much all day only stopping briefly for dinner at Wasabi Tao. One of the things that really bloody got my goat, though? There is a large empty space where people can do Group Cosplay Photos. Awesome. Cool. All right. That’s totally fine and encouraged. NEAR that space was The TARDIS. On Saturday, my wife was wearing her TARDIS dress and we really wanted a picture of her next to the TARDIS. HOWEVER, the Group Cosplay Photoshoot participants had decided that… The TARDIS was the perfect place to act as a Prop Babysitter. It annoyed the piss out of me. You’re already taking up the largest space in the Convention Center with where you’re posing. You’re crowding even MORE space out since you have an apparent ARMY of photographers taking pictures. Maybe… keep your props TO THE SIDE instead of in the way of other photo opportunities! It just… it felt like shitty cosplay etiquette. Like… I wouldn’t intentionally fuck up a person’s photoshoot, I wouldn’t intentionally trash someone’s Set or Props… have the same fucking respect.

One panel/panelist that I really was happy I went to was an Acting Panel with Morgan Berry. I had a question, but it felt kind of.... “me focused” and I didn’t want to bother her with it. TIP: NEVER approach talent after a panel. They may have another panel, or a signing, or something super important to get to… don’t waste their time! That being said… when her panel was over, I did go over and shyly ask. I said, “You’ve been acting for 15 years. I acted for 15 years and got burnt out, but every time I come to a Con or see a play… I just… miss it. I don’t want to bother you if you need to run, but… do you have any advice on how to get over burn out?” She said, “I’d love to answer that question. Can you walk with me?” So there I am, walking side-by-side with a successful professional actor with an IMDB page of worth and she’s giving me acting advice! AT THAT MOMENT, I knew I wanted her to sign my badge. Tatum was giving excellent theory advice. Berry took the time to personally talk with me about the craft, the passion, and the process.

So MBFITWW, Wife, and I get in line to get Tatum’s autographs (he was Okabe Rintaro in Stein;s Gate, I fucking LOVE that Anime) and we’re one of the first ten. By the time he arrives to sign; there are over 300 people waiting in line! I felt stupid when he signed my item. I said, “I know you said it was hard working on this piece; but thank you. I’m obsessed with time travel, and this is one of the top five stories ever.” He smiled and said, “I’m obsessed with time travel too, and I love this story!” It just… it felt somewhat awkward because… of course he loves it and knows it’s awesome. He helped WRITE the English version and is THE MAIN CHARACTER!
BUT
Then I really felt like I stepped in it! After Tatum, Morgan Berry sat down for a round of autographs and I jumped in that line. First and only person. She called me up and said, “Good to see you again.” And I said, “I’m starting a thing where the best acting advice gets to sign my badge and… it was between you and Tatum, but I really appreciated our talk. Could you sign my badge?” And that felt REALLY awkward. Because I was basically saying “I was pitting you and your friend and colleague against each other, decided on you, and now you get to sign something.” ??? Just… I felt like an ass.

Later, though? Oh my fucking crap! So, there are 18 and Over Panels. Panels JUST for adults so that the guests can swear or tell specific stories or… just go off the rails a little.
J Michael Tatum has been doing these panels for years and so he makes them as entertaining to himself AND his audience as possible. First, something to know about Tatum. Most women think he’s gorgeous. He’s tall, he’s well built, he’s got an amazing voice, a great jawline. He’s a masculine ideal. He’s also extraordinarily gay, open, and proud. And he grew up in and lives in Texas. So… he’s QUITE the personality on top of everything else. SO… here’s how he does his 18 Over Panel. You can raise your hand to ask him a question. He’ll call you on stage with him. He’ll flip a coin. You have to call it in the air. If you are correct: You can ask him ANY question and he’ll answer honestly. If you’re wrong: HE can ask YOU any question and you have to answer honestly. So you may go up wanting to ask him “What’s the most embarrassing place you’ve ever peed” (a question that did get asked) but if you’re wrong, he may ask you “What’s your most embarrassing masturbation story?” (a question that he did ask). Not surprisingly, it was standing room only!

That night I had a strange but long and detailed dream! It started with being informed about a big Live Concert Event on BET being hosted by Will Smith and Kevin Hart. The entire evening was going to be “A positive reflection of the country’s diversity and a celebration of the many positive role models and contributions of Black Americans.” I figured since the event was live, I could sneak into my old friend Will Smith’s house and set up a “Happy Anniversary” surprise for him as his Wedding Anniversary would be that weekend. I was allowed into the Facade House, the house people thought Will Smith lived in; then quickly made my way to the library. It was a small house and a tiny library; the only large feature in the entire room was the fireplace that took up most of the wall. I quickly found the button hidden in the side of a panel along the fireplace and, instead of the fireplace swinging open as one might expect, I heard the familiar click of the painting over the fireplace. Nothing happened VISUALLY so that if you didn’t know about it, you wouldn’t find it. BUT I knew. I climbed onto the fireplace mantle and swung the painting open, crouching down and stepping in to the secret door that opened into the hallway of The Real Estate of Will Smith. THIS looked like the home of a celebrity! The lighting, the furniture, the incredibly high ceilings, the marble columns and gorgeous view… THIS was luxury! As I set up the Anniversary Decorations, I popped in the DVD of the project where Will Smith and I became friends. The TV Show was a “Reality Program” wherein some bullshit reality star is selected to house sit for a legitimate celebrity. I was not the Reality Star, but I was dating her at the time. She told me that the show was “an effort to help reality talent break into Hollywood” but… like everything her producers brought to her, I figured it was just another way to embarrass her. Unwilling to let her flush the opportunity away, I signed a film contract myself which allowed me to stay with her in the Celebrity’s House for House Sitting. We were selected to house sit and dog-watch for Will Smith. Predictably, my girlfriend was awful. When Will came back, he spent a full five hours screaming at her about everything that she had done that was stupid, destructive of his house, and downright irresponsible. But.... he was exceptionally kind to me and we became friends. Partly, because he saw how much I did to try to keep his house and dog in pristine condition, despite my girlfriend’s selfish and idiotic behavior. But also? Because I was keeping an Insider Secret for him. He was no longer married to Jada Pinket Smith, even though officially they had to say they were to help their kids’ careers. He had long ago left her to pursue his secret lost love Vanessa Williams. I was one of the few people they trusted with that knowledge. Which is why I was sneaking around to help them celebrate their anniversary!

That was the dream!

I got to sleep in on Sunday a bit as the big panel we wanted to check out on the last day of the Convention wouldn’t start until Noon. We got there a bit early to check out some more cosplayers and take another walk through the Market Place. It wasn’t bad this year but unlike last year… there just wasn’t anything that particularly grabbed me in the Vendor/Artist area. Then we went to the panel. It was Sarah Wiedenheft’s panel and… that woman is adorable! Reminded me of some of my closest friends when I was acting! Like… she is tiny (short and skinny), has a cute face, and this cute little voice and laugh that… it is no wonder she plays characters who are typically youthful and/or cute. Her most famous character right now is probably Zeno from Dragon Ball Super. So if you are familiar with that show and that character? THAT voice actress! And she was funny, insightful, and every bit as cute as her characters. Like… when people didn’t have a question for her and she was just “kind of waiting” she’d start singing nonsense and ask the crowd, “What song should I meow while we wait for people?” Like… yeah. Very much one of those Chibi Adorable Actresses!

Over the entire Convention, though, I began to realize something. I knew this was something that would make people hate me and I thought, “Were I to share this, people would yell at me for being a dick, an asshole, a hypocrite, a douche. But you know what? FINE! If people want to see me as that for coming to a realization; then I suppose that is how those people get to see me!” That being said… I feel like I must preface myself a bit.

Those who have followed me for a while know that my “typical body” is… not what I’m currently inhabiting. I was underweight for most of my life. I was the 5‘7 120 lb Senior in High School. All my life, it felt like “bigger women” were into me. Some strange combination of “the scrawny kid is the one for me!” said the 5‘2 270 lb girl. Call me what you will, but… that… didn’t really appeal to me. I did date two “heavier” girls. One was a marathon runner who was just cursed with bad genes (her mother was morbidly obese… so while her daughter ran marathons and was very healthy… her daughter typically had DD Breasts and anywhere from 20 to 30 extra pounds. Even still, at her height, that would clock her in at under 180. The other was Aku… I won’t guess at her weight but she was very free with her body (as you may imagine) despite any outside perspectives so I can say confidently that she had a 36C chest and when she wore tight clothes or belly-exposing t-shirts, she had gut spilling out. Those descriptions and details are neither here nor there; just added detail and discussion for the sake of this space. That being said… I was underweight for so long and for so much of my developing years that it is very difficult to see me as I am today. I mean that in two ways. Primarily, it is very difficult meaning.... it isn’t pleasant to see me at the same height and a full 100 pounds heavier. However, it is also very difficult meaning… it is honestly a challenge to remind myself that I’m so much heavier. My “standard perspective” on myself is one of a lighter individual so it can be weird or difficult to remember that everyone I meet doesn’t have that point of reference. They see me as I am presently… heavy. So… that’s the preface.

There is/was a joke that I once enjoyed. It said, “If you want a Nerd Girl, a real honest nerd girl… learn to like skinny brunettes in glasses!” And…uh… not a problem for me! Skinny brunettes in glasses, I say yes please! Skinny brunettes in glasses who like Anime, Video Games, and Comic Books? Uhm… YEAH! Are you kidding me?! That isn’t a “consolation” prize or a “learn to like” that is yes, please, thank you, please, yes, thank you.
But as I was walking around? I was happy to see that there wasn’t just ONE TYPE of girl at the Anime Convention. There were children, there were teens, there were adults, there were elderly. There were thin, there were fat, there were sexy, there were plain, there were openly gay, openly straight, and unable to determine… honestly a diverse group. But… I did notice that the average was… overweight… by anywhere from 30 pounds to 100 pounds. And why did I notice this?

As we were walking around, there were (admittedly) two thoughts in my head.
(1) Could I help MBFITWW find an appropriate girlfriend here?
(2) Were I single, would I be able to to find an appropriate girlfriend here?
And those thoughts got me onto the path. You see… there were very attractive girls there that are into cosplay, video games, and anime. That should be a “Yes, Chris, you can find a girlfriend here” moment. EXCEPT it was incredibly difficult to determine age. Do I walk up to a girl to say she’s attractive for her to respond with, “Ew, you’re old.” Not to mention, there was one girl that I thought, “Okay… I want to get to know her for the expressed purpose of setting her up with MBFITWW!” But then… that’s both creepy and weird… and it is also presumptuous because it was hard to tell if she was there with her friend or just there with her friend. (Translation: is she gay/bisexual and here with her girlfriend or is she here with a friend and the typical gay/bisexual/straight question remains unanswered.) And that is when I started looking around more purposefully. Many of the women that I could confidently identify as over the age of 25 were considerably heavy. Now, who am I to talk… I’m 5‘7 and weight 220 pounds… by that standard, I’m downright obese so what bullshit rubric am I using to think to avoid heavier girls?? And there we go with the “My inner self is a skinny kid.” Which… ultimately made me think… if I did become single again… I’d really have to lose weight in order to earn or attract the type of girl I’d be interested in.

After AnimeIowa, we went back to my parents. MBFITWW left and Wife and I packed up the car. While my brother and his family had been in town prior, he had accidentally left Niece’s swimsuit at my parents; so we agreed to bring him up the swimsuit and other stuff he’d left. So our evening was spent playing with Ames Family playing board games and eating shrimp tacos. Not a bad way to end a vacation!! We got home pretty late and I tried to go straight to bed but… night pain. Even though it is my bed, that was the 4th new place I was trying for sleep that week so I think my body was just grouchy.

Last updated July 16, 2019