Give Me Answers Or Give Me Prozac in Inside My Head

The doctor went from "It's not a viable pregnancy" to "It may be a viable pregnancy, we're not sure." Beta hcg level rose again to 782. We saw a gestational sac in the uterus so ectopic is ruled out, thank you to the Powers That Be. I don't have to take Methotrexate and I don't have to lose a Fallopian tube. The doctor told me "Either we're going to have a pregnancy or we're going to have a D+C." They're concerned because my beta levels are borderline low and the pregnancy doesn't correspond to my ovulation date. The thought is is that I ovulated later than previously thought and my pregnancy isn't as far along as originally thought. The other option is that it is a nonviable intrauterine pregnancy which will eventually result in a miscarriage. I feel slightly less panicked. Yesterday they told be to be NPO (nothing by mouth) past midnight because there was a chance it was an ectopic and I would have to go to the operating room. The ride to the doctor's office yesterday was indescribably awful. Michael was calm (or doing a really good job at faking it) and was overall absolutely wonderful. The huge wave of relief I felt when they saw an intrauterine sac cannot be described. I didn't even care at the time that he said it may not be viable just as long as I didn't have to go to the operating room. Now that I'm calmer and have had a few hours to think, I'm terrified that I will miscarry. I really really want this to work. Hope is one of the worst things I think. If he had told me that there was no shot this pregnancy would survive, I could handle it because I had some closure. Since they can't really give me answers, I'm still in limbo and clinging to the slim hope that this pregnancy can make it. I would love to take anti anxiety meds, but most are contraindicated in pregnancy. So I sleep 3-4 hours per night and spend most of my time on Google looking up stuff I shouldn't and pacing my house. I have another appointment on Sunday so we will see...

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