hurting in Torridaussity Two

This whole thing hurts way more than it should. I wish I had never sent the letter or package. The whole point was to express to someone how they are important to you because we never know when our last day on earth would be and how we shouldn't have regrets, well I regret it now because he already knew I was his friend and that I cared about him and now I know I didn't matter to him at all and I would rather not have known that. I mean maybe it's good for my future, but right now as I sit hear crying as I type this, it doesn't feel good, it just hurts so much.