Everyday I'm Strugglin' in Public

I’m putting a brave face out there on Facebook but I’ve been in a struggle bus for the last few weeks. The metformin is really messing with me, not even just with my gut anymore. My mood is severely decreased and I feel like I’m falling back into that NH version of myself.

I see my Doctor on Monday. I am seeing results from the medications but also, I am anxious and depressed and never want to leave my apartment. I can’t have that. I need to set up my classroom. I need to finish running my errands. I need to be packing and getting things sorted here because we move in two weeks.

Today we were supposed to go to breakfast (Free for me with Birthday rewards) and then head north to PSL to attend a community event with the school and then go to the beach but here I am, debating making some coffee, sitting on my butt, watching TV. Now, to be honest, it is not a nice day, we’ve got lingering cloud cover and we’re supposed to get some rain at some point. Regardless, I don’t WANT to go anywhere, I’ve been to the bathroom twice this morning and I’m gassy, which means I’ll probably need to go again. Sorry if that was too much information. It’s exhausting. And I’ve lost like 4 pounds in just a few days. Mostly because I think if I don’t eat I won’t have anything to expel from my body.

It’s too much for me. I’m not stable enough to handle this shit, literally. I have church tomorrow from 7-2 and I wanted to bail out but last week Steve, the worship pastor, asked if he could have everyone pray for me this week. Also, he’s teaching for the first time and I think as a member of the worship arts team I should be there (we all should be there to be honest). I think Liam is getting sick of me always being unable/unwilling to leave the house.

I’ll need to buck up at some point today. For now, while he’s sleeping, I’m going to make some coffee and enjoy the quiet.