Neverending Story in Current Events

Yesterday I pulled out my new fancy day planner and I finally started to fill it in. I love the page on the front of each month for little lists. I listed my three goals for the summer:
1) Job
2) Apartment
3) School

I am going to cross those off in that order. Now that I finally faced that piece of my current situation I feel a lot better. Going back to school was always my goal but I have been too afraid to do it. 2019 has been my manifestation year for sure. In January I was finally off the waiting list at a therapy centre and I got to see a therapist, Atta. He asked what brought me there and I was not prepared to answer that question. I told him that my life was the best it had ever been in every shape and form. My health was thriving, work was thriving and I actually had money in my savings. I told him that I wanted to advance my life even further but my social anxiety is too much. So that is what we working on. I barely got through high school because of it. Nobody talked about this stuff back then so I was never treated for anything. He ended his practice before we got anywhere. In my opinion anyway.

One day I accidentally opened my cousin Curtis’ snap story and saw that he was talking about being in school. I asked him about it and he told me that he was getting funding for it through a program that I am qualified for. I had one week to make it all happen so it was a bust. On my way to see Atta the next day, I heard on the radio that the college Curtis was at was having an open house. That open house was right next door to the therapy centre so I had no reason not to go. The program that I wanted was not available there but I learned, through this serendipitous bullshit, how badly I actually wanted to go to school.

I did not know how or when to make it all happen for me because I was so sucked into my work. The job that I had for 13 years, the job that was draining the life out of me and I did not know how to get out it. So what did 2019 do? Have me hire Karamjeet who turned around and fired me one month later. My health, my wealth and my relationship with that store is what I was using to measure my success, this “best I’ve ever been” version of myself. Well, that all changed when Karamjeet came into my world like a wrecking ball.

I am a procrastinator and luckily I had enough money in my savings to take some time off. Preserving my mental health was my #1 priority. I felt hurt and confused and I didn’t want to suffer from job loss depression. Now here I am 2.5 months later not missing that place one bit. I didn’t start to feel the pressure of my situation until I started to look into schooling for myself. I was feeling like I needed to have it all figured out before I started to look for work. It was never my plan to be in a school situation this year so I decided to make that my last goal for the summer. My plan is to go back and work on my high school diploma. I need better grades and a few more credits that are more catered to the faculty that I want to get into at the university. I will also have access to somebody that can help me apply for university and help me look for scholarships. I want to enroll in one or two courses for September. Then another one or two for January. I want to save enough money to be unemployed for a few months so I can take on full-time summer courses at the university. It is just one course that I want but if I have to do a first-year program then so be it. I can do that at any university or college and then have those credits transferred. So yeah… just need to get a job first and move out of my sister’s basement.

As things in 2019 like to just manifest my friend Angelina sent me a text today telling me about a position that just opened up at her work. It’s as a support worker for adults with special needs. There is a 21-year old male that needs a support worker and my only requirement is that I have a vehicle. I am not confident that I would enjoy that too much, as a lightworker I would be very drained at the end of the day. Maybe? Also, I happen to hate driving. Especially in the winter. However, my friend Danielle applied for a similar position and somebody called me to perform a reference check on her so I am perceiving this as a sign. Actually, just as am I writing this entry I learned that Angelina is actually the person who would hire me. This job is actually being handed to me on a silver platter should I want it. I’m giving myself this weekend to decide. She told me to call her if I have any questions. She also made it a point to let me know that this kid is a hoot.

Also, my mother just called me to tell me that she saw a specialist today about her hearing. Her issues require a small surgical procedure that will restore her hearing. I’m so happy for her. I have mantras for Ganesha on loop in the background. He is the Hindu god of wisdom, success and good luck. The remover of obstacles and I’ve been attached to him since last summer. I do know that this is just a coincidence but I am feeling blessed anyway. When Hetal goes to India to get married she is offering to bring me anything that I want when she returns. I have a huge list of dishware and spices that I could ask for but I am only asking for an idol of Ganesh or a necklace with his name in Hindi.

Anyways, I think I am ready to face the music and look at my bank account. In just a few minutes I’ll know exactly how much time I have left before I need to be on a payroll. That reality is something that I have been hiding from. I could dip into my credit and I just might but I have to face this situation already. My anxiety can’t take it. Speaking of things that I can’t take… thanks to the latest season of Stranger Things I have the following song stuck in my head. I’ve never seen the movie that it is from but I will before this weekend is up. I love the line “Make believe I’m everywhere given in the light”. My takeaway is that we are all living in our own reality. Our ocular organs tell our minds what it sees, our audio organs tell our minds what it hears etc and it builds our concept of what is around us and what we experience. We’re all experiencing life differently from one another and I think that is so beautiful and so horrifying at the same time.